Where We Belong

Chapter 145

There he was rummaging around the room with only a towel hung low on his waist. He was mine, this beautiful, powerful, protective man was mine and here I was not necessarily pushing him away but not letting him in, not letting him help me like he so desperately wants.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

"Baby" Snapping his fingers in front of my face he smiled at me "You're in a world of your own darlin' you sure you're okay?".

Matching his smile I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his "I will be when you come to bed" I hadn't been sleeping much when he was away. Could say I had gotten used to him being there and with him I always felt safe.

"Ever tell you how good you look wearing my clothes?" He grinned as he pulled the towel from his waist and slipped on a pair of boxers.

"You have but I'll never get tired of hearing it. Now come here and love me I've missed you".

Wrapped up in his arms we lay in silence. "I've missed this" I whispered my fingers tracing over the letters of my named tattooed just above his heart. "Are you back for good?". Something told me the job he was on wasn't finished.

"Nah darlin', Fuck I wasn't even supposed to be back but I couldn't wait any longer". Kissing the top of my head he sat up his back resting against the headboard. "You do want this right? you do want me?".

"Blaze" I whispered cupping the side of his cheek. Why did he even have to ask?! Were my actions about the cut tonight making him feel this way? "I love you" Leaning forward I pressed my lips against his "I can't live without you" Taking his hand I placed it over my heart "This is yours along with every other part of me".

"Why do I feel a but coming?" He asked as my hand slipped from his cheek.

"There's no but Blaze I'm just trying to get my head sorted and get back on track and I need you to be okay with that". The fact that I hadn't seen him in almost a week hurt and this conversation isn't what I wanted to have on his first and probably only night back.

"Feels like I'm losing you baby".

It was almost a whisper but I heard it loud and clear and the minute he said it my heart broke. I wasn't going to let what happened brake us, I couldn't lose what we had.

"I'm right here" Swallowing the lump in my throat I didn't like the feeling I had in my gut. "Don't do this" my voice cracked, tears leaked from my eyes. "D-don't leave me" Not knowing what else to do I panicked and before I knew what I was doing I was climbing into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck "Please don't leave me" I cried.

"Never" He hissed wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. "Why would you think I would ever leave you?".

"Because you deserve better and after everything that has happened to me I'm damaged-..."

The harsh grip of his hand around my chin stopped me from finishing what I was about to say. My cheeks were soaked with tears, my eyes squeezed shut.

Would I ever get past this? What was it going to take to feel like me again?!

"You baby are not damaged" He whispered, loosening his grip he wiped my cheeks my eyes slowly opening. "You'll get through this, we'll get through this together but you have to let me in darling. Whatever it takes, however long it takes you will beat this".

"I've missed you so much" I whispered my head resting against his I wasn't ready to let him go just yet. "Do you have to go back?" I muttered brushing my nose gently against his, smiling when his eyes closed and a small sigh fell from his lips.

"You're killing me here baby"

Chuckling I felt it deep down inside when his eyes snapped open and he smiled at me. When he smiled like that it did things to me I couldn't explain.

"It's been so long since I've heard you laugh. You have no idea how good that sound makes me feel". Moving his arms lower his hands rested on my bum making my full body tense and that didn't go unnoticed but instead of moving them I stared into his eyes calmed my breathing and moved my hands so they were resting on top of his. Not breaking eye contact I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip and moved his hands with mine so they were now resting on my thighs.

"I want you to show me"

I knew what he wanted to see I just didn't know if I was ready to show him up close.

"Blaze"...

"Let me in baby, please let me see". He begged his hands squeezing mine.

Nodding my head I let go of his hands and moved so I could get to my feet. He had seen what they did to me from a far but I had never let him see the scarring up close, never let him see how deep it actually was. How the blade had left my skin rugged and nasty. Hooking my thumbs into the waist band of my sweatpants my hands were shaking so much I struggled to pull them down my legs. Not breaking eye contact with him I watched the different emotions take over his face. Hurt, sad and lastly anger. He was angry, his teeth were gritted and his top lip was pulled back into a snarl. "Fuck" He growled jumping so quickly out the bed. His hands were balled into fists and he was pacing the room. "I will murder that whole damn club". Watching him a cry fell from my lips as he threw a punch into the floor length mirror.

"Blaze" I cried bringing my hands up to my face. Grabbing a hold of my sweatpants I pulled them up quickly and slowly made my way to him.

"Give me a minute Ava" Holding his hand up I froze on the spot. "Fuck baby" Running his hands threw his. hair he threw another punch this time into the wall. Storming towards me he pulled me tightly against him. He didn't say anything but

need for him to say anythididn't

I knew

exactly how he was feeling.

"No one will hurt you again I promise" He whispered into my hair.

Wait was he crying?!

"This is my fault darling. I should have protected you damn it" He growled and all I could do was hold him tighter. "Not matter how hard I try I always end up hurting you or getting you hurt. You deserve better Ava, so much fucking better than a scumbag like me".

n

"Don't say that" I cried pulling out of his embrace "Don't you dare say that because I know what's coming next and that is not happening". He tried this one time before. Thinking I deserve better and leaving me. You promised you wouldn't leave me" I hissed. I knew I had to act angry because if I didn't I'd fall into the ground and cry my heart out. "You don't get to leave me" I cried pushing against his chest.

"You could have it all, the picket fence, a couple of kids, a normal life. All you'll get with me is heartbreak and misery darling I know that now".

I couldn't breath. It was like he had sucker punched me. My whole world was collapsing in front of me and I could do nothing about it.

"I don't want it all Blaze I just want you. Why are you doing this to me again?" I tried to be tough and not cry. I was sick of crying but he was braking my heart.

"You need to have a life Ava and being with me you aren't going to get that. Look what has happened to you because of me. I want you to have the you deserve, I need you to have that sweetheart and you're not going to if I stick around".

life

"Blaze".....

"Please baby don't make this any harder than it already is. I failed you and for that I will never forgive myself".

"Don't do this. You said you'd never leave me and now you're doing exactly that" Wiping at my eyes I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip and bit hard. "I'm doing this for you damn it why can't you see that?"

"So you're braking my heart all over again for me?" Laughing I balled my hands into fists. "Get out" I snapped turning my back on him. I wouldn't let him see my tears.

"Don't you think this is braking my heart? I love you, fuck I want nothing but you. Ava you're the reason I breath, the reason I live but darling you're going to end up dead if I stay".

"Get out" I screamed my body shaking as I felt the sob raking through my body.

"Please remember I'm doing this for you. I need you to have what you deserve baby. You're perfect and worth so much more than me. When the time is right I'll be back for you and-...."

"If you leave me now we're done for good" I whispered cutting him off.

Feeling his breath fan across the back of my neck the tears flew from my eyes like a waterfall. "Please look at me?" He asked

Clearing my throat I wiped my face and turned to face him. "You leave me Blaze and I mean it don't you dare come back". Taking a few steps backwards I put my hand up when he tried to close the distance between us "I mean it you leave and you'll never see me again".

"Do you think I want this? To leave the only good thing I've ever had?".

"Then why are you doing this?" I don't know how much longer I could stand this.

"To protect you" He yelled "I need you to be safe and if the only way to do that is for me to go then I have too. If me leaving means you wont be a target anymore then you can bet your sweet ass I'm doing exactly that".

"What about what I want?" I cried moving closer to him "I need you more than ever right now" Bringing my arms up I wrapped them around his neck "Please baby don't leave me".

Wrapping his arms around me he lifted me into his embrace my legs wrapping around his waist. "I can't do this without you" I whispered as my back hit the softness of the bed".

Crawling up my body my hands

went straight for the bottom of his

T-shirt, pulling it over his head I ran them over his bare chest. "I need you Blaze". Crashing my lips against his I pulled him tighter against me. His hands where everywhere, my T-shirt hit the floor along with my bottoms and my panties.

"Just love me" I cried.