Want to Play A Game

MATT’S POV.

I don’t realize how much of a fool I must have been. It’s like I can’t get to the coffee shop fast enough. Knowing that she is in danger. As my lungs are burning from running, I realize how out of shape I am. I shouldn’t have left her, I should have risked everything if it meant protecting her. I didn’t realize that she was in any kind of danger.

The only danger I thought she was in was me wanting her so badly. I didn’t want to welcome her into my darkness, but now I realize she is my light. Having her makes me satisfied. To the point where having her would eliminate my darkness, I won’t have to kill any longer.

When I reach the coffee shop I see her getting into a car with her mother. I try to get her attention. I yell “Jessica Jessica wait, please wait.”

But she gets into the car, and it drives away. I watch her as the car gets farther and farther away, and I can feel my heart break. She is gone, fuck how could I have let this happen? I left the one person who could have made me good just disappeared. I’m so mad at myself for letting all this happens fuck what is wrong with me, maybe I don’t deserve any happiness for all the terrible things that I have done. Maybe I just deserve to be miserable.

I’m not sure what my next move should be, I don’t want to go to her mother’s just in case it’s true that she wants nothing to do with me. As bad as rejection feels now, I’m not sure if I could bear it in person.

I’m not sure what the fuck to do, I have never gone through this before where I actually cared about another person enough to think what to do. I always just did what the fuck I wanted to. Fuck why do I care so much about making the wrong decision here, fuck I’m an idiot?

This is why I always fucking stay clear of any kind of relationships with anybody. There is no fucking second guessing myself. I just do what I want when I want to. I turn around to go back to my apartment, not sure what the fuck I’m going to do. But I’m standing here looking like a fucking dumb ass.

As I am walking, someone approaches me. It’s a woman that I fucked once before to make Jessica jealous,” Hey sexy I was wondering where you have gotten to. I tried to reach you, but it said your phone was disconnected.”

“Wait what are you talking about, my phone was never disconnected.”

She walks over to me and runs her fingers down my chest. “Your phone has been disconnected for weeks. It’s ok though, I bet I can find a way for you to make it up to me.”

Fuck is that why I haven’t heard from Jessica, has she been trying to reach me all this time but somehow my phone wasn’t working. What if she has been calling all this time. As I go to walk away, I feel my balls being grabbed. “Where do you think you ‘re going?”

I can see the desperation on her face, how bad she wants to fuck me. Not wanting her touch, because I’m craving something even better than her. “Get your hands off me, I haven’t called you because I don’t want you, so go find someone who does because it’s not me.”

I’m running back to my apartment. I need to get my jeep, so I can go over to her mother’s and find out what the hell is going on. I need to talk to her and get all this straightened out. I’m hoping we can just start over. I don’t want to lose her now that I have had her, I need her more than anything now knowing I might have a chance of redemption.

As I get to my jeep, I’m relieved that I can finally know the truth of what has happened. As I’m driving, I’m swerving in-between traffic, trying to hurry to get to her. Wondering if this was all a set-up to keep us apart.

When I get to her mother’s house, I park in her driveway, I get out of my Jeep and walk desperately to her front door. I’m not sure what I’m going to say to her, but I’m excited just to be in her presence. I began knocking on the door. Then waiting for someone to answer is agonizing.

When her mother answers the door I can see her cold expression, hating that I’m here. “Hello, can I please talk to Jessica?”

She looks at me irritated and says in an irritated tone, “Jessica is not here, she has moved into her new lover’s place. Where she is really happy you should just forget about her.” She slams the door in my face.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I wonder what is really going on here, there has to be something happening. Things just don’t add up, and I just got this feeling that there is more going on. I need to talk to Jessica if she wants nothing to do with me, fine, but I need to find her and ask her myself.

I walk back and get inside my jeep and take off. I rush back to my apartment, I have resources that I can use there. That can just maybe help me figure out the lying truth to what the fuck is actually fucking going on.

When I get back to my apartment I try to figure out what has happened but I can’t find anything, it’s like she just disappeared. I know she was picked up at the Starbucks, but where the hell did she go after that fuck I become frustrated and just start throwing shit. I then hear my phone go off.

When I look at my phone, I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me. I haven’t got any sleep, and I’m exhausted. I’m not even sure how long I have been awake for. I send a rude remark but then once I get the text back I know it’s her. I begin to trace the number to see what towers it is off of. Then I realize holy shit she’s been kidnapped.

She’s in the middle of nowhere, It’s going to be hard to find her. I know that she’s worth it and once I find her I will never let her go again no matter the cost. She will be mine, and I will protect with everything I possibly can, I gather the shit I need, and I leave to go get her.