Chapter 120
After, Caleb sits on the ground with his back against the wall, holding me in his lap. With his arms wrapped around my waist, I'm tilting my head, resting it onto his shoulder.
I positively worn out. My body had already been pushed to its limits for the warrior training, only to be pushed even farther with such enthusiastic and athletic lovemaking. Easily, I could fall asleep right here and now, in the safety of Caleb's arms.
He seems to be well aware of that, doing little more to interrupt the moment than brushing his hand up and down the length of my spine. I curl into him, practically purring like a house cat, I'm so relaxed.
Neither of us bring up the arguments that led us to this closet in the first place. That feels like a different lifetime now. None
of it matters.
Caleb knows he has no real competition with Ted, despite my teasing. And while my hurt still lingers, knowing I will soon lose Caleb to another woman, his wife, Caleb has at least asserted that he will continue to see me.
This shouldn't make me feel better. I still don't like the idea of sharing someone that I care about with other people. But I'm also well aware that I am a member of a harem. That Caleb has been faithful to me has been a fluke, not any kind of conscious decision on his part.
Yet, even knowing he won't be my only... I still don't want to lose him, even if I hate myself for it.
Quietly, Caleb begins to speak, rousing me from my near-slumber.
"You saved my life several times in our escape from the capital," he says. "And then went out of your way to take care of me at the farmhouse..."
I did, but he doesn't need my confirmation. So I keep my mouth shut.
""You deserve a reward for that," Caleb says.
My heart sinks as disappointment swells through me. Does he think that I am the type of woman who would be content with material wealth? What good would money or things do me while I am here? I already have everything I need.
Perhaps I could ask for a gift for my pack, but with everything that happened with Samuel and Leah, that gift might be ill-received. Time needs to pass before that type of assistance would be welcome from me or Caleb. "There is nothing I want," I say.
"I don't believe that," he replies.
I shrug, unsure what he wants from me. "I didn't help you so that you would gift me things."
He glances at me sideways, searching, as if trying to see the sincerity behind my words. I can't tell what he sees either way, but I know the truth. I told it.
"Regardless," he says. "You have done me a service and I would see that service repaid."
"I don't want things," I say.
"Don't be stubborn, Harper. Everyone wants things."
I close my mouth and refuse to open it again.
"Fine," he says, after a moment. "If not a thing, then a request. I will grant one wish for you, whatever it might be. You may not want things, but I am certain you still foster desires. When you tell me what it is, I will grant it." 1/3
I keep my lips sealed, refusing to accept anything from our brief but nearly perfect time together on equal footing.
In my heart, with growing dread, I already know what this means. This jealous. This hurt. This inability to face the future where he is going to be with someone else.
It's love. I'm in love with Caleb, his good qualities and his bad ones. I love him for the whole that he is, and the stronger
person
I become when he's around me.
This knowledge comes with a heavy price. I love him, but this is a doomed love. Even if he feels the same, which I doubt tremendously, he would still never truly be mine.
At best, I'd have to share him. Watching from the sides as he walked down the aisle, marrying someone else.
I don't know if I'm strong enough for that. Nor do I know if I'm strong enough to leave - even if I could.
I'm caught in a trap, with certain unhappiness in every direction. All I can do is watch the hurt come barreling toward me, like I'm standing on the railroad tracks watching for the engine to come my way.
"I will wait," he says. "When you are ready to tell me your wish, I will be ready to hear it."
My wish would be to have him for myself, but that is not a wish he would ever be able to grant me. He would never want to.
A King would never tie himself down to a member of his harem. Not more than he's already done.
So I keep my mouth shut and turn my face more fully into his shoulder.
The future will hurt me, but the present is well enough. For now, when we are together, I can pretend.
Caleb stays quiet and holds me.
Then, after a time, he checks his watch. "I have to go," he says.
I want to whine, to ask him to stay like this for just a moment longer. Though realistically, no time would be long enough to satisfy my desire.
But then he says, "I have a date."
My whole body goes cold. "Oh."
Pulling away from him, I hurry to stand up and right my clothes as best I can. Caleb tore my pants completely off, but my tunic should be long enough to give me some modesty until I make it back to my room to change. I don't think I'll be returning to warrior training for today. With the King himself excusing me, I doubt I'll hear anything about it.This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.
"Harper," Caleb says, while I'm already reaching for the door of the shed.
I don't look back, not even as Caleb approaches from behind me. He runs his hands down my arms, all the way from my shoulders to my wrists. I close my eyes as the feeling of comfort warms me from the inside out.
Everything still hurts, but not as much as it had only a moment ago.
Caleb kisses the top of my head from behind.
"Don't let anyone see you on the way back to your room," Caleb insists. "Or I will tear their eyes out."
It's not the most romantic gesture I've ever heard. In fact, it's downright troubling.
Yet, it still conveys a message of possession and jealousy. Right now, I want to be the only one he thinks about.
If only he wasn't about to go on a date with someone else.
02.04
I don't wait around for any more whispered words. I open the door and step out into the courtyard. There, careful to avoid any crowded areas, I rush towards the doors leading inside, not stopping until I make it safely back to my room. "Harper?" Bethany asks.
"It's nothing." I tell her.
I will never reveal the truth, not even to my dear friend.
No one can know that I have fallen for the ruthless King Caleb.