The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

When I saw Liam kneeling in front of me with a beautiful ring in his hand, I knew by then that he would propose to me. The anticipation was killing me, and it made me focus only on him.

Although I didn’t fully understand what was going on tonight, I knew that this was not just a mere surprised birthday party. Liam might have planned everything along with my friends and family.

I could be naive sometimes, but my heart kept on throbbing out loud, making me realize what would happen tonight. I guessed I should prepare myself and be ready. It felt like the whole surrounding radiantly lit up the moment Liam opened his mouth to confess to me.

And when he said that he wanted to take our relationship to the next level, I couldn’t stop my tears from falling no matter how hard I tried. Despite my doubts, I could see that everything else was moving in slow motion while unceasingly glowing around. How could I ever resist this kind of feeling while being asked by the only man I ever loved?

My heart melted at the thought that Liam wanted to stay with me for the rest of our lives. I would love to stay with him as well. I appreciated all his efforts because he truly made me feel like I was worth the asking-worth the traditional wedding proposal in front of my mom and siblings.

With my eyes soaked in tears, I couldn’t believe what was actually happening. I really loved him, and God knew how much I wanted to give in. Liam was the only man I would have ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Even throughout eternity, I would like to spend it with him.

Truthfully, I was about to say yes… but still, something held me back from doing so. I knew I had so many questions in my mind that only Liam could answer. I couldn’t say yes that easily because things kept on bugging and weaving spider webs in my mind. I shouldn’t get overruled by my heart this time. I shouldn’t melt when I looked into his eyes.

But every single thing appeared to be an impossible thing to do. I knew when it came to Liam, I would always betray myself in just a matter of seconds. He was my weakness in spite of my overall strength-he was my downfall.

A downfall I couldn’t live without. That said, I would always stay with Liam and watched how everything would blossom between the two of us.

I was tremendously happy, and nothing could beat the excitement that I was incessantly feeling. But at the same time, I felt rushed without any escape, and everything else was still untidy. My instincts were telling me not to appear as easy as I had always been.

Mixed emotions were overpowering me to the point that I no longer knew what to do next. It deprived me to think straight, so I silently prayed that we could fix any misunderstanding as soon as things get cleared.

With my everlasting love for Liam, I would never reject him. How could I? I just wanted to make sure that all things were clear between the two of us before we stepped into this new level of our relationship-which is marriage.

Undecided, I just wanted to clear all doubts first before giving my sincere ‘yes’ to him. I trusted Liam, but what happened these past few weeks made me question things.

Dragging him outside, I broke the silence when we were already here in our mini-garden. I released his hand and faced him, starting everything off with complete honesty.

“I’m sorry, Liam. I was not rejecting you. I gave you all of me, you know that! So, how could I even reject you when I love you this much? The truth is, I really wanted to be your wife. It was an honor for me, and I would really love to. But I’m confused right now, and it’s somehow hurting me here. I didn’t know what to do nor what to think next!” I sniffed while pointing out my chest.

“These past three weeks made me feel like you didn’t love me anymore-like you didn’t want me anymore. I used to overthink things, and all of a sudden, I became insecure.” I was helpless, making me stomp my feet on the ground because my feelings grew impatient.

“There were times that your phone had been switched off for whatever reason only you and God knew. No matter what I do, I could never reach you. Then I talked to Trixie today, and she said that you went to Balesin last night, without talking to me? Without informing me?” I couldn’t help but raise my voice-almost shouting at him.

Tears escaped my eyes like those were competing against each other on which would reach my chin first. “A single text will do, Liam… but you never did, and it’s making me damn crazy. Did you know how many times have I waited for your calls today, huh? But I haven’t received even one.”

These heartfelt outbursts made me crookedly shake my head. “Now, how do you expect me to react? That I would say ‘yes’ right away, just because you are now offering me a marriage proposal?”

Like a volcano that recently erupted, I couldn’t control my feelings from bursting out. I became too emotional. I was already sobbing with my head down when I felt his arms gently wrapped around my upper body.

I opted to push his chest and stay away from him, but he softly caressed my back as he had always been doing to calm me down. I must admit that it was refreshing, and I missed it so much.

“Hey, sweetie. Don’t cry, please. How could I inform my future wife of a surprise beach wedding in Balesin? I went there to ensure if everything was already in place-to check if everything would be in order after barely three weeks of preparation. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to contact you today,” Liam enthusiastically chuckled as he removed his arms around me.

His dimple manifested, making my heart melt. He wiped the tears in my cheeks, then warmly kissed my forehead.

If I could only see my facial expression, my face would surely fall faster like a coin in a wishing well. My mouth hung with lips slightly parted. I frowned while slowly looking at Liam with questions in my eyes, appallingly puzzled.

“W-What are you talking about? S-Surprise? B-Beach wedding?” I stuttered quizzically as things started to sink into my brain. I opened my mouth again, but no words came out of it-slightly lost for what was the real meaning behind everything Liam had been doing for me recently.

I was confused at first until I firmly closed my eyes to realize everything. I almost hit my own head, intending to crack it open to remove the unwanted toxins. As usual, Liam wanted to surprise me. But just like the old times, doubts and overthinking reigned over me without any logical reasoning.

Oh, crap! Here you go again, Diane! You’re easily jumping to conclusions without knowing the truth first. I couldn’t help but look downwards, feeling so embarrassed.

Liam sighed, and with his fingers gently placed on my chin, he delicately made me look at him again. “Yes… but now, it was not a surprise anymore,” he replied with a shade of disappointment. I couldn’t even see his dimple that used to remind me that everything would soon be alright.

Out of sheer embarrassment and unfathomable remorse, I ended up holding my head. I bit my lower lip as hard as I could, waiting for me to emerge and taste the blood out of it.

Absolutely baffled, I even used my hands to cover my face from Liam because I realized that it was me who actually did him wrong. Every breath I took was telling me that I got perturbed. I didn’t even have the courage to face him. What I did was indeed uneasy and disturbing, making me want to suddenly disappear here.

Asking your hand in marriage in front of your family and loved ones was the best and most romantic marriage proposal ever. Liam did that, but what about now? My chest edgily moved up and down.

Oh, God! What have I done? In front of my family and friends, why did I ruin my boyfriend’s almost perfect marriage proposal? Can this ground just open up and swallow me now?