Fear
Lilly
I had never been as happy with someone as I was with Jake. Although our relationship came with a lot of limitations, it greatly improved on the quality of my life. i felt alive once again. I had not realised that I had been missing out on a lot for a long time. Having someone that makes you feel safe is underrated. It is the best thing in the world. To know that someone out there is looking out for you because he loves you is one of the best things ever.
My fear of Kyle reduced when I was with Jake. The good thing Kyle kept a low profile during that time so I was able to relax. When I saw a photograph of him posing intimately with another woman, I felt relived. At least his focus would be away from me. If he thought those photos would make me jealous, he was barking up the wrong tree. My feelings for him had not been that strong, and had ended long before I ended the relationship.
Jake was always there for me. He spent a lot of his free time at my place and I wasn’t complaining. I was more than happy to host him. Being with him was very different from Kyle whom I always wanted out of my place. Jake stocked my kitchen with food and lots of nice things. He never listened to my lies that I could take care of myself. I lived hand to mouth and the pay check from The Daily Paper was the only thing standing between me and homelessness.
Eventually, I stopped protesting and let him buy me whenever he wanted. Life can become so easy when you accept that you deserve good things and let them into your life. When I accepted that it was okay for me to be taken care of by the man I loved, I started living a happier life.
As expected, everyone around me started noticing the changes in my disposition. I was happier and jolly, always excited for events. My work became easier. I enjoyed researching and writing articles. I became more open to all the possibilities life had to offer. When I talked with people, I showed genuine interest in what they were saying. I was no longer overburdened with stress that had made everything a drag. I loved life.
When people asked me why I was so different, I just told them my life had improved. Some people suspected there was a man behind the constant smile on my face, but I refrained from confirming or denying their allegations. Even Leah did not know who was behind my sudden change. She decided to be patient for a while until she couldn’t be.
“I can’t wait anymore,” she said to me a few minutes after lunch one day. We were still sitting at a restaurant waiting for the food to settle in our stomachs before walking back to the office. “I have been waiting for you to fess up but it has taken too long. You have to tell me who this man is. I know it’s not Kyle because you hate him and he’s dating someone else. Who is it, Lilly?”
“I’ll tell you when the time is right.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I think my suspicion is true. You have left me no choice but to believe it. Why else would you hide this man from everyone?”
“What suspicion?”
“I think you’re dating a married man,” she said.
My lips parted. I’d not expected that.
“It is why you don’t want anyone to know. Is that true?”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course not. Why would I date a married man? That’s disgusting. Imagine sharing fluids with another woman. Ee, Leah. I don’t think I’m that desperate. I’d rather date an old divorced man than a married man of any age.”
“So you’re dating an old divorced man?” Leah said while laughing. “Is it too bad out there? Being single is not a crime, but if he’s giving you money, maybe it’s okay. Anyone would appreciate financial help if they were earning your salary.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m dating someone I’m not supposed to be dating. If a certain third party finds out, I’ll be dead.”This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.
“That third party can be a wife.”
I rolled my eyes. In that moment, I decided to confess to my best friend. She was the one person I knew I could trust. “It’s his mother.”
Leah gasped. “No, I don’t believe it. The only mother that wants you out of her son’s way is Mrs. Rylland.” Leah’s mouth opened wide before she brought her lips together. “You’re dating…”
“Don’t say it,” I said. “No one needs to hear this.”
“I can’t believe it. I knew something was up the day he called you up to a private room. You are the worst friend ever. How can you be dating Jake and I don’t know about it. What else have you been keeping from me?”
“Nothing, that’s all. Now that you know, can we not talk about this? If his mother finds out, I’ll be skinned alive.”
“I don’t think he will let that happen”
“I’m not sure about that. The bond between a mother and son is strong. Jake knows how evil she is but he keeps letting her back into his life. That says a lot.”
“Your trust issues won’t let you enjoy anything.”
“I’m serious, Leah. I forbade him from confronting his mother. I know that she will just find a way of manipulating him to taking her side. I’m happier that she knows nothing.”
“You can’t keep the secret forever. At one point in time, you have to let the world know about your relationship.”
“When that time comes, I’ll do it. But for now, let’s keep the secret.”
“So, tell me all about Jake. I need all the details. Don’t leave anything out. How it started, how you fell in love with him, how you make love, everything.”
I laughed hard. “You’re too much.”