Married to the mafia boss Series

Liliana

I wake up to an empty bed. Antonio must’ve snuck out earlier and went to work. That’s all he’s been doing is working trying to avoid me as much as possible. Boredom and depression strike quick as I picture the rest of my life with him. I have to do something aside from being his trophy wife, I need to get out. He’ll never love me though, I’ll never have that relationship every girl dreams of. To marry her best friend who will love and care for her, to make her feel special.

I certainly feel less than special right now.

Downstairs Arabella and Carmelo are in the dining room eating breakfast that was cooked by Louisa. She quickly fixed me up a plate of scrambled eggs and toast and I take my seat.

“What should we do today, cousin?” Arabella says in her own chipper mood.

I shrug miserably and stab my fork at the yellow eggs playing with them instead of eating them.

“After breakfast get ready, wear something nice and do your hair and makeup,” Arabella stands and puts her plate in the sink.

“Why?” I raise an eyebrow. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Exactly why, you need to cheer up. The best way to cheer up is feeling good about yourself. So, get all pretty and we are going to go shopping.”

“But I don’t need anything.”

“Antonio’s credit card has a limitless balance, who cares if you need nothing. Let’s go buy anything our hearts desire!” She cheers and rushes off upstairs to get ready not waiting to hear any more of my complaints or argument.

“I take it you’re coming too?” I say to Carmelo who has been sitting silently at the table in front of an empty plate with nothing but crumbs on it.

“Anywhere you go, I go,” he gives a curt nod.

“Do you know where Antonio is?”

“Work,” he says simply.

“Do you know when he will be home?” I bite the bottom of my lip.

“None of my business to know when he’s done with business. My business is keeping you safe.”

I push my eggs aside, I don’t have much of an appetite right now. I might as well get ready. I drag myself up the stairs and into Antonio’s pristine bedroom-I guess it’s my bedroom too.

Doesn’t feel like it.

The one thing I do love about this room is the master shower. It’s spacious with glass encasing and has an overhead shower head. Everything about it screams luxury. I take my time under the warm water, Arabella was right about one thing. When you’re clean and dressed for the day you definitely feel better.

I use he hair dryer but decide against straightening or sprucing up my waves. The blonde locks dry to my advantage so I leave it as is. As for makeup, I do the minimum-mascara and my favorite shade of lipstick that is almost a peachy beige nude. Next, I pick out one of my favorite lilac-colored, cotton dress and wear it with stockings and brown booties.

I see Arabella’s reflection in the mirror, I turn around to see her staring in the doorway. “Lookin’ good. Ready?”

“I guess so,” I grab my purse and follow her out.

“Liliana,” Arabella finally sighs and frowns, “It is not the end of the world. You and Tony just had a little fight, it happens to couples all the time. You think with the way you acted before the wedding you’d be glad my cousin is ignoring you.”

“Well, I thought we connected on our honeymoon,” I pick underneath my fingernails nervously.

“You probably did, and then you manipulated him.” Arabella’s bluntness causes my eyes to widen. “What?”

“You don’t need to be so crass about it,” I cross my arms. “I’m aware I screwed up.”

“Listen to me,” she grabs me by both of my shoulders. “Things will pass. This is your life. You can chose to live it miserably or you can take this limitless credit card and buy happiness,” she smiles wide showing off her straight white teeth.

“Money can’t buy happiness.”

“And it can’t buy you love either-so The Beatles said,” Arabella drags me down the hall and down the stairs into the foyer of the penthouse. “We will buy to satisfy our materialistic happiness.” Arabella pushes the elevator button as Carmelo sets the lock and security system and follows in after us.

Downstairs outside the building a car is already waiting for us. The chauffeur opens the back door as Carmelo sits in the passenger seat.

“I don’t think I ever said thank you,” Arabella breaks the silence.

“Thank you for what?” I turn to face her, confusion written on my face.

She looks down at her lap and plays with her long manicured hands probably admiring the deep red color. “For trying to get Tony to break off my soon to be engagement with Luca. I know you didn’t want to give up your virginity and I guess thank you for doing so in order to get an upper hand for my benefit.”

“I don’t want to see you miserable,” I frown. “You’re always so bubbly and to see someone as lively as you smothered by my brother is upsetting.”

“I have made peace with this life, Liliana. I know you fight and I am proud of you for that fight. You are trying to kick tradition and find your own happiness-but it’s useless. This is our life, there is no getting out, there is no happily ever after with a Prince Charming. We can make it as happy as we want though, like shopping and spending it with dear friends,” Arabella places her hand on top of mine. She gives me almost a pitiful smile.

I nod my head and resume daydreaming out the window.

What do I want out of this life? I want a career, I want to be successful and make something of myself and if I can’t have the home life I always dreamed-then I will have my professional life. That limitless credit card would be perfect to use while signing up for online classes and a new laptop. I can lock myself in a room and do my studies without Carmelo being too nosey. Antonio shouldn’t care because I won’t be leaving the apartment so there will be no need for Carmelo to give status updates on what I am doing. After my bachelors I can even think of graduate school-oh, maybe I’ll even get my PhD then I’ll be Doctor Liliana Moretti.

That’s the kind of life anyone would be proud and envious of, right? A doctorate? It screams successful and that’s what I can be. I don’t need a loving husband to feel complete. I don’t need Antonio’s kindness to make me feel like life will be okay. He’s my husband and maybe I can still use him to my advantage. After I finish schooling I can travel or start a family or get a pet. Anything can be mine.

For the first time since my honeymoon, I smile.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

“What are you thinking about?” Arabella mimics my expression.

“I think I’m going to enroll in some online classes.”

“Perfect,” she claps her hands together. “You know when I graduated high school, I had dreamt of going to the University of Chicago and getting my degree in Psychology.”

“Why didn’t you?” I tilt my head and then realize, “Your marriage to Vinny?”

“Yeah. I was seventeen when I was promised to be engaged. It was two month after graduation when I was forced to marry him. Vinny wanted me to be a stay at home wife and mother.”

“How’d you feel about that? You know Vinny will probably want the same thing.”

“I mean, being a mother isn’t the worst thing. It’s like getting a new best friend. A baby will keep you busy and give you loving and cuddles and… well it’s just not the worst thing.”

“How come you and Vinny never…” I don’t want to pry.

“Two miscarriages, then Vinny went and died on me,” she chuckles but I can sense the pain behind the forced laugh.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” I try my best to comfort her but don’t exactly know what to say in the situation.

“I was young. I was actually relieved. I wasn’t that far along either. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Had I had the baby it would be fatherless and no one would want to marry a widow who is also a mother,” Arabella brushes it off and shakes her head. “We’re here. Where to first?” She doesn’t wait for our chauffeur or Carmelo to open her door as she gets out quickly and I fear I struck a nerve.

“I could use some new shoes,” Arabella taps her finger on her chin and then goes off in her own direction.

“Wait up,” I call out to her. “I’m sorry for bringing it up,” I say softly when I stand next to her.

“It wasn’t anything you did. Let’s just drop it. We’re supposed to be having fun! Let’s get some Chinese after this.”

I nod. “I guess I could go for an egg roll.”

She smiles wide. “That’s my girl!”

***

When we get home from shopping it’s dark. Bags full the foyer and I hate to admit that I had more fun than I thought I would. I don’t pick myself for a materialistic girl, but every item I bought gave me temporary happiness and also gave me excitement to try on all the new outfits, shoes and makeup Arabella made me buy. She has a wonderful sense of style. Arabella enjoyed shopping for me because while she is an ‘autumn’ I am a ‘spring,’ she knew of a bunch of clothes that she always wanted to buy for herself but didn’t because it wasn’t her ‘coloring.’

I am disappointed that Antonio still isn’t back and wonder if maybe he is on long, busy, dangerous missions, or is he just at his office ignoring and keeping as much distance as possible from me. Maybe it is better this way, if he was home right now I would be even more upset because he’d be ignoring me. I would feel awkward in my home. At least while he’s gone this penthouse actually feels like mine.

I take advantage of my alone time by putting on my fluffiest robe and curling on the couch with Antonio’s laptop. The first thing I do is order my own, then I check out online classes and when registration begins. The spring semester was starting soon so I opt to sign up for summer classes. Excited, I start my application right away and make a mental note to request transcripts from my high school by calling tomorrow morning.

In just a few month I could be beginning my journey as an Art History major!

The elevator door dings and I quickly shut my laptop knowing it must be Antonio. No way was I going to have him sneak a peek over my shoulder and tell me no. This was going to be my little secret.

Unless the checks the credit card and sees where his money is going. He wouldn’t do that though, he couldn’t possibly be worried about where his money is going-I mean he’s loaded.

I turn around to see Antonio setting his keys down in the basket in the foyer and then loosen his tie. I swear I can see tiny splotches of blood on his white button up shirt. He doesn’t look in my direction, nor does he utter a single word.

“How was work?” I make the first move.

“Nothing you should be concerned with,” he says coldly.

“Just trying to make conversation,” I set the laptop on the side table and stand up from the couch. I straighten my robe trying to look a little less disheveled and clear my throat. “Are you hungry? I can heat you up something.”

“Can you stop?” He says angrily.

“Stop what?” I jerk my head back.

“Stop pretending like you care. It’s late, go to bed. I’ll heat something up myself if I’m hungry,” he storms into the kitchen in a huff.

“I’m not pretending that I care,” I follow behind him. “You’re my husband-”

“That’s all I am. It is a legal union. Not a companionship.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this, Antonio,” I nearly cry but I won’t dare give him that satisfaction.

“It does because love is weakness and I will not be a foolish someone who allows their feelings to blind judgment.”

“So we can’t talk at all? Can’t look at each other? Can’t touch each other?”

He chuckles, “No, we can touch. How else will you provide a son for me one day? If I have needs, I will come to you.”

“If I don’t want to satisfy those needs?” I cross my arms.

He rolls his eyes annoyed. “Then I’ll do as all Made Men before me have done and still do-take a mistress.”

“You will not!” I shout and stomp my leg infuriated.

“Don’t tell me you are jealous, sweetheart,” he mocks. “I thought you would be overjoyed to hear that you now have an option in the matter of our sex life-at least for now. Taking a mistress would mean we won’t have to have sex. It’s not like you even wanted to give it up on our wedding night. It was just manipulation, right?”

“No, it wasn’t just that. I did it for myself and I thought maybe I could help Arabella out because she is my only true friend in this life! I know what a mistress means and It means you would be cheating on me!”

“Why must you make things so damn difficult?” Antonio growls. He pinches the bridge of his nose and looks as though he has a headache. The man looks positively exhausted with dark bags under his eyes. He turns away from me to rummage in the fridge muttering and cursing to himself.

I want to reach out and make him look at me and make him listen to me. I want back the glimpse of an almost wonderful husband I could’ve had. Whoever Antonio was the night of our wedding was someone I could grow to love and see as a companion-he was much better than this man in front of him. Antonio is reserved and distance keeping me at arm’s length and risking ruining everything by bringing up him having mistresses. I’m not naive to believe it doesn’t happen-I’m sure my father himself had many, but I never want to be that woman.

I’ve seen those woman at parties, everyone knows their husband cheats and we all pity her. She keeps smiling pretending everything is okay as she stands faithful at her unfaithful husband’s side. I will not be the woman at the party to pity. I want to be the strong Capo’s wife that women envy and men want to be with.

“I’m not the one being difficult! You’re the stubborn one! You can’t even be friends with your wife! I’m not asking you to be in love with me-just asking you to not ignore me.”

“I do not have friends,” his baritone voice chilling me to the bone.

“It isn’t the worst thing in the world to just have a nice conversation with me,” I throw my hands up in aggravation and defeat.

He ignores me as he continues to rummage through the fridge. I give up trying to reach him. It’s hopeless trying to convince him that we could work as friends who can cohabitate together without this awkward tension between us.

I turn on my heel and head upstairs to ready myself in bed and hopefully fall asleep before Antonio comes up to the room. It’s funny who once bedtime was seen as solace for me is now the time I dread the most. Before going to bed was an escape from my family where I could be alone and read books in bed. Now bedtime is the only time I’m forced to be with the most stubborn, horrible, pig-headed man in the city.