Love, Milo

I’m worried for her. Raelynn lays against my chest still, silently crying for the past hour.

Getting out of the shower, I hadn’t expected to find her in my office. I had been going to lock the door so she wouldn’t find the room, but in a way, I’m glad she did.

She’s opened up a little, allowed me to see within her shell and through the strong wall she keeps up, but then locked me out completely. She says it isn’t my fault. Though, I can’t help but feel like I’ve done something to make her uncomfortable.

I stare at the ticking clock across the room, the only steady noise as I stroke her cheek.

Two in the morning, it reads. She might be sleeping. I don’t dare move to check.

‘Milo?’ Her voice breaks the silence minutes later, confirming she’s awake for me.All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

‘Yes?’

‘I need to tell you something,’ she whispers, sniffling, not lifting her head from my chest.

‘What is it?’ The flat of my thumb against her cheek.

‘Two years ago,’ she starts, now lifting her head to look at me. She grabs my blanket draped over us and hugs it close to herself, around her shoulders. Her hair that she released a few minutes ago lay past her shoulders, one side tucked behind her ear. She takes a deep breath, looking out the fire escape to the side.

‘Two years ago in college, at a frat party, I was assaulted by a g— by a guy I had only known for an hour.’ Her voice cracks, and I stare wide-eyed as her tears appear instantly.

I repeat her words in my head, my body stiffening as I process them.

I sit up as she continues, picking at her fingers. A tear drops from her eye. ‘I don’t remember the moment he did it. I was drugged; he drugged me,” she laughs, but it lacks any humor at all. ‘Sometimes when I close my eyes, I get new images of that night, quick second or two pictures of his body or the sound of him…’—she swallows—’him grunting my name.’

My heart hurts as her words reach my ears. ‘Rae,’ I say softly, hiding the anger that’s boiling in me, thinking of someone laying a finger on this woman’s body.

She doesn’t look at me, her face morphed by quiet sobs that she’s trying to hold back.

I listen. ‘It’s just I haven’t slept in forever. My head consistently hurts from it. I’m tired—all of the time, Milo. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, I feel him, I hear his voice. And it—’ she cracks, looking at me. ‘It’s draining. To the point where he’s completely ruined me.’

I shake my head, swallowing the lump in my throat. ‘That isn’t true.’

She nods, eyes bloodshot and swollen. ‘Yes, it is. I can’t… I can’t get to places I should when it comes to sex. It doesn’t work anymore. Nothing helps. Not you, not even myself.’

I shake my head, hurting to see her in so much pain. I would’ve never thought she was going through it all. She always seemed so strong in the month I’ve known her. And now I know she’s even stronger than I thought.

‘It all takes time, Raelynn.’ An hour ago, when I was looking at her legs, I noticed the scars on her stomach and thighs. Though it was dark, I felt them, but I’m not one to point out things like that.

None of it matters. I wouldn’t want it done to my scars.

‘How much time? I don’t think I can wait anymore. I want to be normal,’ Her cries break her words up, fast sobs shaking her body while tears flood down her face.

Lifting my hand, I motion for her to come to me. Her frown digs deep into her face, wet cheeks, and puffy eyes.

She looks younger, helpless, and scared.

She sits in my cross lap, our bodies as close as possible, arms wrapped around my chest and legs around my waist.

Her head falls sideways against my shoulder, digging into my neck with a steady, silent cry.

‘What’s his name?’ I ask, wrapping my arms around her body.

A second passes, ‘Jaden Caddel.’ The name falls like a weight on her tongue.

I nod. Jaden Caddel. I write it into my memory, saving the name for future purposes.

I lean back against the headboard with Raelynn clinging onto me. ‘You’re safe with me, love. I won’t let anything happen to you. You know that, right? Not a thing?’

She responds with a nod and a whimper of a cry.

I shuffle my shoulder, causing her head to rise. My hand comes up between us, and I brush tears from her cheeks. ‘Stop crying, darling. He doesn’t deserve them. He deserves a list of things much worse, but none includes your tears.’

She holds a hand against the back of mine on her face, ‘I haven’t slept through the night since I slept beside you. Just this night… if it’s okay…’

I furrow my brows until I realize what she’s asking. ‘You can sleep here for as long as you like, Rae. You could never leave my sight; I’d be more than okay with that. As long as you feel safe.’

Her lip twitches and turns up for a moment. ‘I feel safe with you,’ she whispers.

I sigh in relief hearing those words. Proud that I’ve earned the trust of a woman who must trust no one.

I lower her head with mine and bring her down to kiss her forehead. ‘Then that’s all that matters.’

Her head falls back on my shoulders, and I lay on my back, pulling the covers over us. Her hands rest on my chest, bare legs at my sides.

Her rapid heartbeat slows as time passes. I can only stare at the ceiling, holding Raelynn in both arms as she falls asleep against me.

My eyes twitch, thinking of what she’s told me, finding it hard to process. The thought makes my stomach turn and twist in the most horrible ways. If I didn’t have this girl in my hands, sleeping, I’d be finding more on the sick fuck that took it upon himself to do the things he did to her.

I need to know what ever happened to him. Is he in jail? Dead? Did she tell anyone other than me?

Two years is a long time, yet it affects her like yesterday. Her tears are new, her heart still hurts, her body still reacts and will never forget, and it pains me.

She thinks her body needs fixing. She couldn’t be more wrong. All she needs is to be retaught. Starting from the very beginning, I’ll be the one to teach her. Until she knows he holds nothing over her.

I need to find him. I have to. What I’ll do when I find him is another matter.

And it’s a good thing finding people comes easily when I have millions to spare.

***

The weight of Raelynn is no longer on my chest, making me lift my head, that’s foggy with sleep.

‘Raelynn?’ I mutter sleepily, blinking awake.

I didn’t go to sleep till nearly five at night. I’ll have to call in a substitute today for my class. But looking at the time, I was supposed to be up three hours ago.

I slept in till nine. What the hell? I’m usually up at six.

It’s when I’m in a sitting position when I smell the scent of pancakes. I go to the bathroom first, taking care of my mouth with a brush and floss before following the scent towards the kitchen. The humming of Raelynn makes a smile rise on my lips.

I step silently in front of the kitchen entrance, her back facing me. She wiggles her shoulders to the music playing in headphones, muttering the words.

My long white socks reach to the top of her calves, and a long white button-up shirt of mine is on as well. She must’ve showered while I was asleep. Her hair is braided into two, the part split down the middle.

She shuffles her ass to whatever beat is in her ear as she flips a pancake and applauses herself for perfecting it.

Turning around, she reaches for the whipped cream sitting on the counter and then yelps out a scream when she sees me standing there.

She yanks her headphones out her ear, putting her phone on the counter.

‘Milo!’ She laughs. ‘You scared the crap out of me.’

Jesus, I can’t stop smiling at her happiness. Have I caused it?

Whatever wave of pain she faced before our sleep is gone. Or at least pushed away for the time being.

‘What are you doing dirtying my kitchen?’ I joke, looking around.

She grins, pushing my arm before walking closer and hugging me unexpectedly. Her slender arms wrap around my neck, bringing me down an inch or two.

I’m frozen for a moment. I have to get used to this.

She presses herself into my body, and I slip my hands around the small of her back, squeezing.

‘You smell like blueberries,’ I mutter against her neck. She kisses my cheek, and I flush, feeling tingly.

Tingly? For fucks sake. How in the world has she made me feel tingly of all things?

‘That’s because I made us blueberry pancakes. I woke up an hour before you, so I decided this would be a good idea. That you might like it.’ She looks at me hopefully over her shoulder as she stands back in front of the frying pan—a bowl of pancake mix on the counter.

I step behind her, dipping my finger in the mix and having a taste.

‘Hey!’ Raelynn laughs, nudging me with her elbow.

‘Mm,’ I hum. ‘Sweet.’ My head drops, and I whisper against her ear. ‘Just like you.’

I watch her gasp a little, her eyes widening and shifting away with a smile on her face. She says nothing else of the matter, and I tell myself not to laugh at her flustered self.

‘You’ve made only two?’ I look at the two lonely things on the plate. ‘What have you been doing all this time?’

She whips a spatula toward me. I lean my head away from the weapon. ‘I wanted them to be perfect.’

I take the spatula away from her grip with a quick yank. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one cooking for you? I didn’t get to make dinner last night…’

Raelynn, behind me, mutters her words, though I just barely make them out. ‘I was your dinner.’

I turn to see her in the fridge, her eyes wide and a smirk playing on her lips.

‘What was that, love?’ I ask.

She shakes her head, pulling out the jar of pickles. Pickles in the morning? ‘I said nothing.’

‘Mhm,’ I smirk—such a terrible liar.

I walk towards her and hug her from behind, kissing her neck. ‘You’re right. You were a fantastic dinner.’

She snickers, wiggling out of my hands, and attempts to hide the large smile on her face by turning her head away from me.

If I’m not wrong, she hasn’t had someone be intimate with her for nearly two years. Neither have I in seven. For several reasons, I chose to avoid getting close to women.

Raelynn, however, has caught my eye ever since she stepped into that elevator.

I grab the pancake mix and pour two small circles on the pan. ‘I need to call out of work—’

‘Oh, I did it for you,’ she says, hopping you into the counter beside me.

‘You did?’

She nods and dips her finger in the pancake mix, just as she scolded me for doing a few minutes ago. ‘Yeah, I said you were really sick and couldn’t make it. I hope that’s fine…’

I nod. ‘And how are you holding up?’ Humor leaves my tone for this question.

Her face drops and I nearly regret bringing anything from last night up. She shrugs, ‘I’m alright.’

I nod again, wanting to change the subject for her. Dipping my finger in the pancake mix, I smudge a bit on the tip of her nose.

She gasps and drops down from the counter, gathering mix for herself and throwing it at me. It lands on my cheek, a lot of it.

‘You little shit,’ I curse, wiping it and licking it off my fingers.

‘You gigantic shit,’ She smiles challengingly.

I launch myself at her as she tries to flee the small kitchen. Her figure nearly gets past, but I catch her with both hands on her waist, pulling and pinning her against the counter. My shirt sits unbuttoned on her, showing the sports bra she wears and sink pajama shorts. My eyes fail to leave her body.

She’s a laughing mess. I press my hands dirty with pancake mix on her cheeks and bend my head down to kiss her on her lips.

Her hands fall on my chest as I savor the kiss for as long as possible, nerves bursting in my mouth.

Breaking away, I stare at her mesmerizing brown eyes before turning to flip my pancakes.

Raelynn clears her throat behind me, and I feel her arms wrap around my body from behind as I cook. She squeezes me tightly as if saying thank you. For what particular, I’m not too sure of.

‘This lady had come into my store the first day it opened. I remember her saying her fiancé was a sunshine guy.’ She mutters against my shoulder blades. ‘It makes me think.’

‘Think of what?’ I scoop the pancakes onto the plate, washing my hands with Raelynn still clinging to my back.

After last night, it doesn’t seem she wants to stop touching me. She’s opening up, and quickly.

I never want her to close again.

‘I think you’re a tulip,’ she says. ‘Red tulips.’

‘Why a tulip?’

She shrugs at me. ‘No reason.’

Raelynn and I sat in the living room alongside Poppy for the next few hours, eating our Pancakes and watching mainly whatever she wished.

Her head rested on my shoulder, her smile not faltering for a moment other than when she cried because we finished a sad movie. She had snuggled close to me, urging me to cry with her, but I could only stare at her and smile.

She stayed at my house the entire week, sleeping on my chest, eating the pickles from my fridge, and reorganizing my bathroom to fit her hair products.

I never thought women needed so many things for their hair. Especially Raelynn.

What on earth is a hair mask?

She introduced me to a bonnet, the long silky purple material she puts her hair in for hair protection.

‘I wear it so that my hair doesn’t break off. You see how it’s long and curly?’ She said, touching her curls.

I nodded. ‘Very pretty.’

She flushed, rolling her eyes. My smile rose as she continued. ‘I use this at night. It doesn’t dry out my hair like pillowcases do.’ She stood on her toes and wrapped it around my head. ‘Like that.’

Driving in my car, thinking back at that memory, I smile at no one other than myself.

While Raelynn works at the shop, I make my way home to check on Mom and Gen. Getting up the building, unlocking the door.

I step inside the house, expecting to see Genesis doing homework and Mom walking around when she should be in bed.

Instead, I hear a voice that’s all too familiar to my ears, a voice I would much rather not be hearing.

‘Do you have his number? I think the fucker blocked me.’ I hear Logan say from the kitchen as I enter the house.

What the hell is he doing here?

‘No, Logan, I’m not giving you Milo’s number,’ Gen says. ‘You aren’t even supposed to be in here. You’re lucky mom in the hospital; she’d probably have the cops on you by now— Actually, no, she’d feed you food, then call Milo, and then he’d call the cops.’

Moms in the hospital?

‘At least tell me where he is. I’ve come around three times this week.’

I make myself known with my steps. ‘What do you want.’

Logan turns to me, his dirt blonde hair is messy on the top of his head. And so does Genesis, freezing as she stops with a plate in her hand.

‘Milo,’ she greets. ‘Awesome, now this one can leave me alone.’

‘Why are you opening the door for people that aren’t family?’ I ask her.

She looks at Logan, her face dropping. ‘He was family once.’ She stops unloading the dishwasher, leaving us, but not before muttering in French, ‘Avant le premier combat, au moins.’

Before the first fight, at least.

We rarely use our native tongue; when we do, it’s mainly to hide what we’re saying from others. I chose to ignore her words.

I turn to Logan. His eye still has the faint outline of where I hit him when he knocked into Raelynn last week. Not a shred of sorrow sits within me.

I’ve known Logan Ledger since we were teens. He was a boy snooping through the trash around my dad’s neighborhood.

When I found him, he said a rich person’s trash is a poor person’s treasure.

I took him to my house that day where mom—who wasn’t sick then—and dad, who wasn’t the worst, had cooked him dinner and treated him as she would me. I wasn’t a kid who made many friends, so Logan and I becoming close was a big deal. Genesis was much younger then, though, over the years he became a second brother to her as well.

He was with me through thick and thin, and me with him. Through his alcohol problem, the problems with his toxic household. The person he called when he needed a roof over his head. I was there.

Until he threw me under a bridge. Multiple times.

‘I’m sorry, man,’ he says. ‘About the party and your girl.’

‘I don’t want to hear it, get out.’ My fist clenches at my side.

‘I mean it. It was a dick move. I was trying to make you mad after you cut me off. It’s been forever. Seven years, dude.’

‘I don’t give a shit. You slept with two of my girlfriends,’ I exclaim. ‘Fucking yeah, I’d cut you off.’

‘Come on, you mean that crazy chick you didn’t even fucking like? I was doing you the favor! And the other one, the one your dad made you date? You didn’t like her either, dude, you were fucking miserable with her.’

‘That’s beside the point.’ He’s pissing me off. ‘You don’t go and screw my girlfriends because you think I’m better off! Are you fucking mad?’

My breath quickens with anger as I think of him trying something on Raelynn. Despite her not being my true girlfriend…

I continue, ‘And the money? You stole half a million out of my dad’s account. Who did he blame? Me.’

He stares at me—no words to back him up on this one.

I walk close to him, locked with his gaze. ‘You knew my father. You knew how he’d react and who he would blame, and you still did it.’

He drops his head and shakes it. ‘I’m sorry, man,’ the words rough.

‘I don’t think you are, Logan.’ I push him, and he stumbles back, knocking over a stray spoon and huffing from his nose. My fists are now aching for a punch to his jaw. ‘You’re still best buddies with my father; you’re the son he wishes he had. Go back to him then.’

‘I don’t want to fight you, Milo. I didn’t come here for that.’

‘He nearly KILLED me!’ I shout in his face, the words straining my throat. ‘I couldn’t go to school for two weeks after what you did because of the swelling in my face caused by his hands. I couldn’t lay down for months after the many hits to my back with his fucking belt!’ I push his chest again. ‘Do you know what leather feels like ripping into your skin over and over again? Because I do.’ I wrap a hand around the collar of my shirt, my blood boiling and my head hammering at my chest. ‘Do you know what it feels like never to want to take your shirt off? To never want eyes on you? Because I fucking do.’

‘Milo, stop it!’ Genesis shouts from behind me.

I let go of Logan, turning to see my crying sister, a hand over her mouth. ‘Genesis, go to your room if it doesn’t concern you.’

‘Yeah, like hell I will,’ she pulls out her phone and dials a number. ‘I’m calling the police.’

I almost reach for the phone, but she taps her finger against my chin. Twice.

A code we created when we were little. It meant ‘play along.’ We used it so we wouldn’t blow up each other lies in front of people.

I take a long breath in my hand as Logan begins to panic. ‘You’re just gonna let her call the police on me?’

I stare at him, leaning back against the island counter.

His jaw tenses, and he shakes his head, scoffing. ‘Fuck you, Milo.’ He looks at Genesis, holding the phone to her ear, but does nothing but shake his head. The only think he can do.

I watch as he stomps away and out of the house, opening the front door and slamming it shut.

My gaze lingers on it, wondering how we got to this point after being so close.

I look at Genesis, and she gives me a pitiful smile. ‘You’re welcome.’

Pushing off the counter, I walk towards her, ruffling her hair. ‘You said mom was in the hospital. Why?’

‘Her checkup. Dad took her there an hour or two ago.’ Surprising.

‘Is she alright?’

‘They haven’t finished running the test, should know by tomorrow.’

I sigh, stress leaving my body by the second, just as my phone dings. I pull it out, reading a text from Raelynn.

Rae: My moms at my apartment and looking for my boyfriend of two years, who’s my date for my sister’s wedding.

Rae: It’s in a month, don’t forget.

I smirk at the message and go to type back.

Me: I haven’t forgotten. I’m on my way; tell her about how much you adore me to pass the time.

She sends back an emoji, rolling her eyes, and I close my own, imagining her doing just that, rolling her eyes. A chill runs down my spine.

God, how I want to make her do that every chance I get. But instead of attitude, she’d be doing it because she can’t stop coming. I’d be achieving something for her she desperately wants. And I will, with time.

‘Oh lord, is that Raelynn you’re texting?’ Genesis, who I forgot was in the room, speaks from the couch across the room. Fucking hell.

‘Yes, how could you even tell?’

Her face is full of disgust, ‘because… your face. It’s all gushy and lovey-dovey looking. It’s actually beginning to creep me out.’

‘You’re a liar,’ I press, embarrassed.

‘Nope. Your cheeks get all red. It’s gross. My big brother is finally a sucker for someone. Took you long enough,’ She snorts.

I walk towards the couch near me and grab a throw pillow, putting the name to use and flinging it at Genesis.