Forbidden Desire

When I hear Jane’s name, I snap out of the trance I was in and realize the mistake I was about to make. I pull her off me and push her away, leaving her confused. I take a deep breath and remember how much Jane loved me and how she always been honest with me. I couldn’t and didn’t want to do this to her.

“You’re wrong about that, Jinhee. No one satisfies me like Jane does, and you know what? We have nothing more to talk about. I’m filing for divorce, and I hope to never see you again.”

I could see tears streaming down the younger woman’s eyes as I walked away as fast as I could, heading to my car and driving without a clear destination until I stopped at the same place where Jane and I shared our first kiss. I stayed there for I don’t know how long, cooling my head and trying to think about how I would face Jane after everything that happened. I almost slept with Jinhee, and I think if she hadn’t said Jane’s name, I would have continued… She didn’t deserve that, and even though I stopped it before it happened, I felt really bad about it. I started to cry, and only calmed down when the twilight tinged the sky red, and I remembered the way she looked at me before I couldn’t resist anymore and kissed those full lips for the first time. She had brightened my days since she arrived, and even though I didn’t love her yet, I knew how much she loved me and would do anything not to hurt her. I pick up my phone and decide to make a call I should have made a long time ago.

“Hello! Dr. Kang? I want to file for my divorce today!”

He answers, and I respond to his questions before hanging up, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I decide to call Jane, and she doesn’t answer. She must be upset, and I’ll fix that when I get home. I call Minju and ask her to send over the clothes Jane had tried on and any other clothes that fit her size to my house, and despite stuttering a bit, she agrees. I go to the office to sort out some issues and am greeted by Scarlet, who still occasionally tries to make a move on me.

“Mr. Park, I thought you wouldn’t come today.”

“Yeah, I almost didn’t, but I need to make sure everything’s set for tomorrow’s trip.”

“Yes, the jet leaves at 10 in the morning, and we’ll arrive in Thailand with plenty of time to check into the hotel and even have some fun there if you want.”

I take a deep breath and decide to make things clear before it causes any problems with Jane.

“Let the pilot know there’ll be one more passenger, and add another person to my room because I’m taking my wife.”

Her earlier sly smile fades, and she looks confused.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

“Is Jinhee coming?”

“No, it’s not Jinhee. It’s someone much better than her who deserves to be treated with respect, so I’m letting you know now that I don’t want any attitude against it. I hope I can count on your professionalism because I’d hate to have to fire you, and believe me, if you mistreat Jane or insinuate anything, I’ll do it without a second thought.”

She swallows hard and looks at the floor as she says, “Yes, sir. I’ll adjust the reservation right away.”

“Oh, and I want the presidential suite facing the sea.”

“But, sir, you always stay in the same suite…”

“Don’t argue, Scarlet, just do what I asked.”

She nods and leaves me alone with my thoughts. I try calling Jane again, and she doesn’t answer. My heart tightens, but I realize she should be at college by now, so I leave a message on her phone asking her to call me as soon as she’s free. I realize I haven’t eaten anything and ask Scarlet to order food for me. I’m swamped with work I didn’t do earlier and get lost in it. By the time I’m done eating, it’s already past midnight, and I remember Jane still hasn’t returned my calls.

“Do you still need me, sir? I have to wake up early tomorrow to finalize the trip details, and it’s already past my working hours.”

I look at the clock and see it’s already half past midnight. I’m worried about Jane, who still hasn’t returned my calls.

“Of course! You can go! I’m also leaving.”

I leave and head home, running up the stairs. When I reach the room, I find it empty, and I can already imagine why. She must be so upset that she’s sleeping in her old room. I was about to go there when I remembered I had kissed Jinhee and felt dirty. I decide to take a shower before going to get her and realize how urgently I needed to be with that girl. I felt like I needed to be inside Jane to forget everything that happened today. When I finish my shower, I put on black sweatpants and a white tank top, then head downstairs and towards Jane’s old room. As I pass through the kitchen, the house is completely dark, and as I enter the hallway to her room, I hear a voice coming from the kitchen.

“She’s asleep.”

I turn on the light and see the older woman sitting at the table, staring at a steaming cup of tea.

“She came in very tired and seemed sad… As she always has been since you started with this ‘game’.”

She says with disdain, and I realize how much she judges me.

“I’m not playing with her, Mrs. Amelia…”

“Then what do you call this? You’re a married man, and she’s just a silly girl who made the mistake of falling in love with you, and you’re just taking advantage of her feelings to use her and then throw her away.”

She had never made it so clear what she thought of me before, and I was surprised by the harshness of her words.

“Look, I know Mrs. thinks I’m just playing with her, but I’m not. I filed for my divorce today…”

She seemed surprised and stared at me open-mouthed.

“I’ll do everything I can to never hurt Jane because she’s very precious to me. She didn’t want to assume our relationship now because she was afraid of what you’d think, but I’m openly saying that we’re together and that soon she’ll be Mrs. Park.”

I turn my back on her and head towards Jane’s room until I’m stopped by the older woman’s voice.

“Do you love her?”

My whole body freezes, and I become completely still. I take a deep breath and turn to face her.

“I care a lot about her…”

She smiles and shrugs.

“That’s not enough… But I won’t interfere anymore, just promise me you won’t hurt her.”

I look into her eyes, filled with concern, and nod.

“I promise!”

She nods back, and I leave, heading to Jane’s old room. I realize she’s sound asleep, wearing a pink silk babydoll. I watch her messy hair and heavy breathing, then carefully remove the blanket covering her body so as not to wake her. I pick her up and carry her to our room. When I lay her down on the bed, I inhale her scent and can’t resist anymore. I start kissing her full lips, seeking the antidote to all the poison that seemed to be running through my veins.