Falling For The Man I Married

Chapter 35: Loving him silently

**Nothing hurts more than realizing that he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.**

My face crunched when I got a text message from Sandy. It was a quote. I was getting ready to sleep and Gabriel is still outside. I've already changed into my sleeping clothes.

-'What does she mean by this?'-

I sat on the edge of the bed and read it again, and because my mind was too focused on my phone, I didn't notice Gabriel entered the door and walked past me to the bathroom. I also missed when how he raised an eyebrow at me.

But then I got another text message from Sandy.

**He ignores you, but you like him. He does nothing, yet you fall for him. You miss him, but he never thought about you.** From NôvelDrama.Org.

"What is going on with her?" I asked myself aloud. Gabriel was already out of the bathroom and turned to look at me. But I haven't noticed him yet. I reread the second message and I felt confused if it was really for me? I suddenly chuckled, shaking my head.

And my cellphone beeped again.

**It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.**

My hand automatically rose to my chest. Why am I suddenly affected? I bit my lip and chuckled again. I was about to dial her phone number when she sent another message.

**Love... is when you shed a tear and still want him. It's when he ignores you and you still love him. It's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say 'I'm happy for you'.. when all you really do is cry.**

With her last message, I couldn't help but laugh loudly.

-'why are you crying?'- I heard a voice in my head.

"I'm not crying!" I said defensively because it's true. "What are you talking about?" maybe at this point, I looked like an insane woman, talking to my phone even though I know it will never answer me.

And I decided to call her. But I've already called her number more than five times, but she didn't answer any of my calls.

"Who are you calling at this late hour?" I almost dropped my phone when Gabriel suddenly asked. I turned to him and saw him leaning against the closet door.

"Oh my!" I said in a shocked tone. "How long have you been there?"

"Ten minutes." He shrugged.

"Ten minutes?" -'Why didn't I notice him?'- but my thoughts were answered when he spoke again.

"Because you're too busy with your phone. Who were you calling?" he asked in a serious tone. He also walked over to the bed with both hands in his pockets and sat down next to me.

"I - It's Sandy. I've been trying to call her but she hadn't picked up my call." I gulped as I clutched my phone.

"Was she also the one who you were texting?"

I looked at him and I wanted to ask him... 'why are you asking?' but seeing the seriousness on his face as he looked at me made me swallow my question.

"Yes," I answered shortly and looked away. I don't want him to know why I tried to call Sandy.

"Madi..."

But when I heard him mentioned my name, I had no choice but to look at him again.

"Did you tell Nancy or even Dad about our deal?"

I frowned and straightened my seat.

"No! I didn't tell them anything. Why?"

"Because I think Dad already has an idea about our deal."

"How do you say that... I mean.. how did you know? Are you sure?" I faced him this time.

"No, but I know Dad. He wouldn't give me such advice."

"What advice?" I asked confused.

But he just shook his head. "Nothing, it was just some fatherly advice." and then he sighed.

And I didn't say anything.

"Madi, we have to double our act in front of them."

My eyes widened. What did he say?

"What do you mean, by doubling our act?"

"We have to be sweeter and show them that we're so much in love with each other."

I chuckled at him. I found it funny. Oh, God, I feel like I'm digging my own hole for this.

"Madi, I'm serious."

I stopped myself from laughing and sighed.

"Okay, ao what do you want me to do?" I asked him as I turned serious.

"Just follow my lead."

"What?"

"I mean, act with me, hug me every time they were around."

"But that's what I've been doing. I even kissed you in front of Nancy, remember?"

"Yes, but we have to be careful this time, Madi. I think Dad was just cooperating with us, I'm not sure. That's why we have to be sweeter and seem in love with each other."

"Alright, but don't touch me." I raised an eyebrow but he frowned.

"What do you mean by don't touch you?"

"You can hug and kiss me and that's all! No... you know... something----"

"Sex. Is that what you mean?" he asked with his eyes full of amusement.

"Yes," I answered biting my lip. And he suddenly laughed.

"Don't worry love, I won't touch you if that's what you want. Not unless you want it or you made the first move."

"Huh!" my eyes widened, but I took the pillow and hit him in the face when he laughed again. But the wise man used his arms to take my hits as he laughed with his carefree laughter.

"I'll never do that! How dare you!" I kept hitting him.

"You can't say that, love." and continued to accept my hit.

We ended up on top of the bed tired and laughing. Lying on our back while his right arm was under my head and using it as my pillow. We both sighed and smiled at each other. We laid still in silence, no one speaks and no one moves. I was about to speak when he kissed me on my forehead and closed his eyes.

I just sighed with a smile. I shook my head as I watched him sleep. It's the first time I've seen him like this, so tired yet so peaceful in his sleep. His lips were partially parted. I bit my lip to restrain my hand from touching his face. He looks so handsome even in closed eyes.

I wish I could vanish the pain that remains in his heart, but how can I do it when he's the one who wants to stay in the dark? I sighed before turning to my side of the bed with his arm still under my head.

I remember Sandy's third and last message. Yeah, it's difficult to keep the truth. It's so hard to handle your new grown feelings with someone so close, but yet so far. You can't even touch his hand, you can't even call him 'mine'. But you still have to keep it in that place, so you can still see him by your side, you can still laugh with him without him knowing your feelings.

I smiled bitterly and brought my hand over my chest. It's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't, but it's harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do.

And with that, I tried to close my eyes hoping my sleep would visit me tonight.