Dirty Little Secret (Forbidden Desires #1)

Emma

I do love nothing in the world so well as you—is not that strange?

The great William Shakespeare was one of my best friends, and his Much Ado About Nothing was a favorite.

I was curled up on my couch under a blanket, reading, and struggling to keep my brain off the fact that I kept failing at this whole romance thing. Hard. Was it possible that I only attracted men who were all wrong for me?

Gavin had begun to let me in—only to slam the door cruelly on our relationship when it started getting a little too real for him.

Still feeling hurt after our last encounter a few days ago, I’d retreated a bit. After I talked it over with Bethany, she agreed a little space might be a good thing. Since that night, Gavin hadn’t called, hadn’t texted, and I had no idea where his head was at.

My mind swirled with thoughts of not only Gavin, but my last relationship before him.

When I thought back to my time with my ex, my heart hurt. Nathan had always been rough—rough kisses, rough sex—but he’d never been violent. Until he was. Shoved me down the stairs after a stupid argument, then spent the next hour working me over until he was breathless and I was a bloody mess, unable to stand on my own two feet. As soon as he left, I dialed 911, and vowed I’d never get involved with a man like him ever again.

And my greatest fear, more than falling for Gavin, was falling for Gavin and having him turn out just like Nathan.

I was in for the night, licking my wounds and trying to think about anything but the man my heart still yearned for, despite everything. Which was why the knock at my door at nine that night was unexpected.

Setting my book on the cushion beside me, I rose from the couch. Another knock sounded on my door, louder this time.

“Emma!” a man shouted as he pounded firmly again with his fist.

For a moment, I couldn’t place that voice. But when I did, icy chills snaked down my spine.

Nathan.

Frozen in place, I dared a peek through the peephole.

“I know you’re in there, Emma. Let me in. We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Go away!” I called back.

“I miss you. Want you back, sweet Emma.”

Not a chance in hell.

I should have never trusted him, never given him my heart in the first place, and there was no way I was ever going down that path again. The entire time we were together was a sham. I’d thought he was mine, but in reality, he was a total player, dating his way through half the city while I stayed home, missing him.

When I finally confronted him, he said a woman couldn’t expect monogamy in this day and age. Yet he’d demanded it from me. Funny how that worked. And then he’d gone from dominating to controlling to downright scary in a matter of months.

The last time, he beat me so badly, I spent a week in the hospital eating my food through a tube. That had been the final straw.

Summoning my strength, I tried my most intimidating voice. “I’ve called the police, Nate. Get out of here and don’t come back.”

He grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, but moments later, I saw his form retreat away from my door and toward the street beyond.

With shaking hands, I grabbed my phone from the counter and then hesitated. My instinct had been to call Gavin, to beg him to come over and stay the night. But as my heart rate slowed, I thought it over. Based on our last interaction and the way things ended when I left his apartment, I didn’t feel quite right calling him. He’d behaved like an ass, and I didn’t want to call him begging him to rescue me.

Instead, I dialed Cooper, silently praying that he’d pick up.

“Princess!” his deep voice boomed, excitement radiating from it.

“Cooper,” I choked out, and my voice broke.

“What is it?” His excitement was replaced by concern.

“Can you come over?” I sniffed.

“Did something happen?”

I filled him in on the unwelcome visit from my violent ex.

“I’m on my way. Keep the doors locked, and if he comes back, call the police.”

“Okay.”

Restless, I paced the house, still in shock that Nathan had shown up here. I hadn’t heard from him in months. I probably should have called the police, but I didn’t feel like waiting half the night for the city cops to show up, and then spending my evening answering questions and filling out paperwork. I knew from experience there wasn’t much they could do.

A short time later, a soft knock came at my door.

“Emma? It’s Cooper.”

As soon as I opened the door, Cooper pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly to his massive, muscled chest. I sagged against him, instantly relieved.

“I’m here now. You’re safe,” he murmured.

When he finally released me, we went to the couch and settled in side by side.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

I blew out a frustrated breath. I wanted to open up, to share all the depressing bits of my life, even though I knew he was just asking about Nathan. And his visit had rattled me, it had, but it was nothing compared to the deep ache in my soul over Gavin’s rejection after the night we made love.

“You can tell me, princess. I won’t judge.”

I’d been sliced raw by Gavin, and I desperately needed the perspective of someone who knew him.

“What’s up with your brother?”

Cooper chuckled. “Why do I know you’re not talking about Quinn?”

I rolled my eyes. Of course, my mind had once again wandered to Gavin. It seemed that the more determined I was to stay away from him, the more I yearned for him. Foolish, I know.

“What are you referring to, princess?”

I leaned in closer, enjoying the body heat we shared in the chilly living room. Cooper always made me feel safe, like I could tell him anything. It was refreshing, especially after all the secrets lurking between Gavin and me that remained unspoken.

“He’s just so infuriating. Has he always been like this?”

“Like what?” Cooper cocked his head, studying me as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

“The man is about as in tune with his emotions as a mosquito.”

Cooper chuckled again and dropped the lock of hair he’d been toying with. “That’s just the way he operates. Has been since . . . fuck, I think high school, if I had to guess. Now, tell me what’s going on.”

“We had sex,” I finally blurted.

Cooper cleared his throat. “I see.” After a moment’s silence, he asked, “And what? He didn’t live up?”

I turned to see his mouth quirk up a fraction, and I chucked a pillow at him. “No, not that. It’s just . . . well, he had Ben drive me home straight after, like it was nothing more than a meaningless hookup.”

“I’m sorry, Emma.”

He used my name rather than the playful nickname he normally called me, and I knew it was because he truly was sorry.

“Do you think he’s slept with a lot of women?” My question came out of left field, but Cooper didn’t bat an eye. I loved that about him, how he never judged me. He rolled with every punch, including my insatiable hunger for his brother.

“I don’t know his number, if that’s what you’re asking.”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

I shook my head. “I figured. I’m just curious . . .”

“I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear, but I told you I’d never lie to you. So, yeah, I’m fairly certain that over the years he’s been with an astronomical number of women. Most of them didn’t matter. Women to him were just a way to blow off steam.”

My stomach sank like I’d swallowed a piece of lead. Every new thing I learned about Gavin told me to run far, far away, and yet at the same time, the pull to get closer was stronger than ever. Stupid as it was, somewhere in the back of my mind was the notion that maybe I’d be the woman to change him.

“I figured as much.” The knot in my throat was impossible to disguise. Cooper knew I was upset, but he continued sitting quietly beside me, each of us studying the TV that played on mute before us.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be Gavin, princess.”

I looked into his eyes, and the tenderness I saw there almost gutted me. My brain knew Cooper was the safe choice. But my heart? My heart yearned for Gavin.

“Maybe you could try . . .” His voice was uncharacteristically soft, and my heart squeezed.

Try. I knew what he meant. Try to open my heart. Try to forget the dominating Gavin who was all wrong for me. Try to give my heart to Cooper instead.

Swallowing against my suddenly dry throat, I shook my head. “I have been trying.”

That sad truth was something that neither of us wanted to face—that on paper, Cooper and I were perfect for each other. He loved literary classics and had an impressive library. He was tender, sweet, and gentle with me, all the things I knew I needed, especially after my last brutal relationship. But he was none of the things I wanted.

I craved Gavin’s harsh brand of love. His steely persona I had to work to uncover, his presence and intensity that only intrigued me more. I was beguiled with him. It wasn’t a switch I could turn off—if it were, heaven knew, I would have. I knew Gavin wasn’t healthy for me, and yet, he was all I wanted.

I suddenly felt so cruel for stringing Cooper along this entire time. “I’m so sorry,” I said, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

His finger on my lips stopped me. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” His tone was sweet, but his words lacked the sincerity I’d come to love from him.

I gave his hand a squeeze.

“If he hurts you, so help me God. You let me know, okay? I’ll be there in a heartbeat to make it all better.”

“I will.” And I knew what he said was true. Cooper would be there for me if I needed him.

A little while later, Cooper left, and shortly after that, my phone rang.

It was Gavin. I couldn’t help but wonder if Cooper had called him and reamed him out for the insensitive way he’d behaved, and told him about my surprise visit from Nathan. I hoped Gavin felt bad—it served him right if he did.

“Did you need something?” I asked, my tone icy.

Gavin hesitated for a long moment, and then his voice dropped low and silky. “Are you okay?”

“I am now. Cooper came over.”

A slight pause. “Good. I wanted to let you know I’ve made some calls, and Nathan won’t be bothering you anymore.”

Gavin’s tone was so resolute, so final, relief instantly flooded me.

I sagged against my sofa. “Thank you. Is that all?”

“No, I’d like for you to come over tomorrow night. Are you free?”

“I’m free. What time?”

“Eight o’clock. I’ll send a car.”

“Okay. Good night, Gavin.”

“Good night, pet.”