Diary of Fragile Heart (Spin of Loving You Too Long)

Flavia shook her head, hoping the pain would fade away. The muscles behind her eyes seemed to tense up. The throbbing felt painful, blurring her vision. She tried to open the drawer, searching for the pain relief medication prescribed by Eijaz. Instead, her rolling chair accidentally pushed back, and her foot unintentionally stepped on the hem of her skirt, causing her to fall onto the floor on both knees.

“It feels like marrying your own niece. I prefer women who aren’t too much younger.” That was Gladwin’s voice.

Every memory that entered her head only made Flavia’s head hurt more. Her vision was blurred. She tried to shake her head again, trying to push away all those memories so they wouldn’t come back. But it was futile. She saw Phoebe sitting quietly on the sofa. There was no intention from her to move and help.

“Two months, Flavia. That’s all that’s left. Let him go, let him be with me. A woman who’s clearly more suitable for him than a flawed woman like you.”

Flavia couldn’t see clearly what the woman was doing. The door slamming shut with a loud noise only intensified her headache.

She retreated to the shadows that she knew were part of her past. Claire’s wedding, Adaline singing with her melodious voice. The figure of Gladwin thirteen years ago greeting her with his characteristic smile. His mischievous laughter. Ignazio, Francisca, Falisha, Geremia, Abigail. They all flashed before her like scenes from an old movie.

Flavia didn’t hear her own agonizing cries. She didn’t even realize Abigail’s presence, who arrived breathless and knelt in front of her.

“For God’s sake, Flavia! Snap out of it!” Abigail commanded, trying to pry Flavia’s hands off. “Flavia!” she shouted again. Flavia stood frozen for a moment, looking at Abigail with empty eyes before darkness enveloped her.

Abigail was shocked. Phoebe’s presence surprised her, but seeing Flavia’s condition was even more startling. Abigail quickly grabbed the desk phone and called one of the male employees before shifting her gaze to Flavia’s illuminated phone. Soon, a uniformed employee arrived.

“Carry her,” she ordered. Then she walked behind Flavia, who was being carried on the employee’s back.

Abigail opened the front door of the car, instructing her employee to seat Flavia carefully. She fastened the seatbelt and adjusted the backrest until Flavia could lean comfortably. Then she turned to the driver’s seat and pulled her car out of the parking area.

“Hello, Uncle. Where are you?” She asked on her phone, which was on speaker mode.

“I’m in a meeting, what’s up?”

“Flavia fainted. I’m on my way to the hospital,” Abigail announced generally.

“Fainted? Why?”

“I don’t know. We’re almost there, gotta go.”

Abigail parked her car in front of the ER, asking anyone there to help Flavia out of the car. “Please, she suddenly fainted,” she said to a nurse in uniform.

“Did she suffer a blow or something?” the nurse asked. Abigail just shook her head in frustration because she really didn’t know. When she arrived, she saw Flavia sitting on the floor and hitting her head. The nurse asked her to step back when the attending doctor came to examine her friend’s condition.

“It seems the patient experienced shock. We can examine further when the patient wakes up. So far, her vital signs have returned to normal,” the doctor said. Abigail nodded. She waited for Flavia to wake up by her bedside. Not long after, Gladwin arrived, panting.

“What’s going on?” He asked panicky, alternating between looking at Abigail and Flavia. He seemed to be wearing a neatly tailored suit. Apparently, he had just attended an important meeting.

“I really don’t know, Uncle. I stopped by the cafe, right when that woman came down from the second floor. When I entered the room, Flavia was already lying on the floor, and shortly after that, she fainted.”

Gladwin examined Flavia carefully. His wife’s face looked pale but calm, as if she were sleeping. Flavia opened her eyes shortly after. She saw Gladwin and Abigail alternating. “What happened?” She asked softly.

“Via?”

“Sweetheart?”

Both of them called out Flavia’s name simultaneously with loud voices, causing Flavia to squint due to the throbbing pain in her head.

“Where am I?” That was the first question that popped into her head.

“Are you okay? What are you feeling right now?” Gladwin leaned down towards her, observing her face.

“Uncle?”

There it was again. Gladwin felt something strange. Especially now, the look in her eyes seemed to revert back to ten months ago. Melancholic, no longer like it was just a few moments ago.

Even the last time they parted ways when Gladwin escorted her to the cafe, the sparkle in her eyes seemed cheerful. And that cheerfulness now seemed to dim. There was only one possibility that Gladwin knew. His Flavia was back. His wife’s memory had returned.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

There are too many words I can’t express.

About happiness, and fear I feel at the same time.

A fleeting memory of the past brings my soul back to where it belongs.

Brings my sanity back to its place.

The fleeting happiness I felt yesterday is now nowhere to be found.

Love?

Even my subconscious knows that the love I have for him is so immense that this body refuses to reject his presence.

This heart refuses to reject his affection.

But once again, I realize. That the happiness I feel is only fleeting.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

The long-lasting happiness I found in the end is now traded for choices I cannot make either of them.

All the choices aimed at me in the end will only hurt me.

Then what should I do?

I’m frustrated.

Torn apart?

That word doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel.

Far… far more painful than just a word…

Can’t they let me live life according to my wishes?

Can’t they allow me to be happy in my own way?

Can’t I pursue my dreams without being labeled selfish?

I love him.

By God, I love him so much.

If I could, I would run away with him.

To find another side of the world where they don’t exist.

Where it’s just him and me.

But what can I do?

Another side of my heart cannot lie. Because to me, they are equally precious.

I believe in Your destiny, Lord.

I am sure there will be a rainbow after the storm.

There will be sunshine after the night.

There will be happiness after all the sadness.

But when?

Don’t let me become someone who constantly doubts You, Lord.

Don’t let me close my eyes to Your goodness just because I’m tired of waiting patiently.

I beg You, Lord. Show this servant the way.