The Wrong Choice Chapter 23
GAVINContent bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.
“Yes, I understand.” I leaned back in my chair, phone pressed to my ear as Gary Rutger carried on about the trials he'd been learning about. Following the surgery on Drew, Gary had dived into more research, including offering a ne\ experimental drug to Drew's family. They had gladly accepted but given the fact that I had begun to distance myself from the entire situation because of Madii, I had not been fully informed until now.
“I'm telling you, Gavin. It's revolutionary. And coupled with the deep brain stim we've been doing, we're sure to see major results. He's already shown an increase in brain activity.” Gary seemed excited, and rightly so. For all intents and purposes, he had taken over as the neurological specialist on Drew's case, with Tanya as the primary contact to the family. But he was away on holiday, and I would be the one forced to pass on the exciting news to the family.
I laid my head back and stared up at the ceiling as he fleshed out all the details: dosage amounts, things to watch for. He forwarded this all to my email, so the conversation was redundant. Still, the longer he talked, the longer I hac to sit and stew and not have to go in that room and see their hopeful faces. The fact that they would be happy about this was a good thing, except for how it would affect me. I was being selfish, which I knew would happen, which was why I'd given up the case to Gary.
“Yeah, this is all great news.” I tried to force a hint of genuine pleasure into my tone, but it came across more like sarcasm.
“Really... you should never have gotten mixed up in this. You know that.”
I closed my eyes to try to shut out the guilty feeling. “Yeah, you've told me that a dozen times already. But how was anyone supposed to know this new procedure was going to come up? And I don't think I'd have introduced that drug to him at all, let alone this close after a major surgery. It could have devastating effects on his brain function; his kidneys are already weak, and his liver?”
“Do you really think his family cares about any of that? To them he was already dead, and anything we can try to bring him back would be nothing short of a miracle.”
Gary had a point, and that point was shadowed by my fear that Drew would wake up and take away my world. It was ironic that the very thing that had happened to Madison was now a threat to me.
“I'll tell them. Okay? Just finish up your vacation and get back here because I don’t want anything to do with this case anymore.” I hung up the phone, frustrated. Perhaps I was handling everything the wrong way, and for certain, I shoul have been telling Madii. But I finally had a good thing, something I didn’t want to let go of.
I rose from my seat, folding the file on my desk shut and carrying it with me. I took the long way from my office up to the fourth floor where Drew's room was. Since the surgery and new medication, Alice had been staying with him almost round the clock. She'd spent a few nights at the hospital in a family room, and some at home with Henry, but she spent every day from breakfast to bedtime right at his side—the way Madii used to.
I expected her to be there seated next to him, reading a magazine or book to him while the TV played a soap opera or sitcom. And I was right. I stood outside the door watching her lips move, though I couldn't hear her. She had a book in her hands, her eyes scanning the page. The light from the window behind her caused her to appear more lik a dark silhouette than the vibrant, joyful woman I knew she was. She looked so calm and at peace I didn’t want to disturb her, so I just watched a while until Pam strolled up with her cart.
“It's good to see her have hope again, isn't it?”
Pam's beaming smile contrasted with the angst in my heart as I replied. “Yeah, it is” Pam didn’t seem to pay attentio to the melancholy way I said it, and I knew I was a horrible person for feeling so discouraged presenting such good news to the family of a patient. A professional would have acted more like Pam—smiling, encouraged, hopeful.
I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, offering the most hopeful expression I could muster, then followed her into the room. I hovered behind her as she pushed her cart up.
“Well, well, Ms. Alice, looks like you're enjoying the morning. How is baby boy today?” Pam logged in to her computer and double checked the new IV bag tag to match it to the prescription pane in Drew's file—a process that was mandatory to ensure all patients got the correct medication and dosage.
“He's doing the same.” Alice smiled at me, folding the book shut and laying it next to Drew on the bed as Pam changed out the IV bag.
“And what are you reading today?” Pam nodded at the book, and I busied myself studying the file I had already memorized.
“Oh, it's a book about a woman who was beaten by her boyfriend so badly that she went into a coma, but she wakes up.” Alice pushed the book toward Pam. “It's based on a true story.”
Pam hung the IV bag then turned and picked up the book. “I think I heard about this. Happened up north. Girl woke up but her memories were all jumbled up right? Didn't she have a kid while she was in the coma?” I vaguely remembered the story being put on the news, but I never really investigated because I had been engrossed in other studies at the time.
Pam dropped the book onto the bed and took out her syringe, checking the serial number against the computer before injecting it into Drew's IV port. Intrigued, I stepped forward, closing the file and glancing down at the book as Alice went on about the plot. Part of the cover was obscured by the folds of the blanket, but I could clearly see it was a romance novel, the second half of the title was “awakening.” The word stung my heart. What if he really did wake up? What if the surgery and the new drug together was just what he needed?
Alice was feeding the hope that Drew would wake up, and the news I was about to present to her would only fuel the fire.
“Well, I'm done here. You let me know if you need anything, alright Ms. Alice?” Pam pushed her cart back out the doo and shut it, and suddenly it was my turn.
“Hi, Gavin. It's been a while.” Alice's soft smile was as sincere as always, but I wasn't as receptive as I used to be. Whatever funk my emotions had been in was worse than ever. I had to fight just to stay in that room.
“Hello, Mrs. Heintz. I have some updates for you.” Professional was the only thing I could be right now. Gary had beer right. I should never have gotten so involved.
Alice's expression changed to one of concern. “Is everything okay?” She sat straighter, folding her hands in her lap. “Should I call Henry?”
“Oh, no." I held my hand up to assuage her concern. “Everything is okay. It's actually good news."
Her smile returned instantly. “Good news?” She glanced at Drew then turned her full attention on me. “What good news?”
“Mind if I sit?” I pulled the rolling stool up to the bedside and sat opposite her, Drew strewn out between us.
“Is the surgery working?”
“Well, it's not that simple.” I folded the file out at the foot of the bed and opened up the EEG readings pointing at them. “See this line here indicates where his brain function was three months ago. This one—" I moved my finger “— indicates where it was days after surgery. And now three weeks later, we are here.” I pointed at the final line, only a millimeter higher on the chart. I knew a millimeter was excellent, but she didn’t know that.
She offered a confused expression. “I thought this was good news. That doesn’t look any different.”
I folded the file shut again. “I know on the outside it doesn’t look good yet, but we've had more news from John's Hopkins regarding the trial drug Gary—uh, Dr. Rutger—put Drew on. When coupled with the surgery, patients are seeing an increased level of improvement.”
Her eyebrows rose. “How much?”
“Substantial.” I looked at Drew with his sunken eyes and pale complexion. “It appears a larger percentage of patients are responding to the drug if they've had the surgery”
“So, he might wake up?”
I felt like I got kicked in the gut. I stared at him wondering what Madii saw in him, what they had. I battled with the way I treated her and if I had something Drew didn’t have. If she would even wrestle with the decision to stay with me should Drew wake up.
“Gavin, are you okay?” Alice took my hand, jarring me from my sulking. I took my hand back, clutching the file to my chest as I stood.
“Pr
“Because if this is about Madison, you shouldn't be worried.” Alice joined me in standing. Her concern evident in the way her brow furrowed. “She loves you. She has moved on now. You two have a real shot and whether or not Drew wakes up won't change that.” Alice walked around the foot of the bed and took my hand, squeezing it. I could see why Madii was so fond of this woman. “You love her, and you've done everything you could for both her and Drew. I know you're probably really wrestling with this, but I'm telling you. She loves you. I know her well enough to know that.”
I nodded, thankful that Alice was so open minded and compassionate. “I feel awful for not telling her these things. It's why I've distanced myself from Drew's case. Gary is an exceptional doctor and I know he is probably the best fit for Drew now. I just get so torn.”
“Well, don’t be.” She patted my hand and let me go. “Drew is not back with us yet, and Madii is in love with you. So, you just live your life. If she is upset with anyone for not being here for this part, she can blame me. I ordered you as a medical professional not to tell her, and you followed the orders of the patient's family.”
While her words should have been reassuring to me, they didn’t settle my heart. It wasn’t just about the way I'd kept secrets from her. It was also about the fact that things were working and Madii was in the dark. If Drew woke up, I would lose her. I just knew it.
“Thanks, Alice.”
I left the room feeling like I'd been hit by a Mack truck and left as roadkill on the side of the highway. Even a basketball game with Jiles and Nick didn’t help, though they gave me the same caution that Gary had offered and the same comfort that Alice had given.
Deep in my heart, I knew Madison would be upset with me, but there was nothing I could do about it now. So, I swallowed it, shoving down the guilt and feeling of regret. And I went home and sat on my couch, staring at the TV and having a few cold beers to get my mind off of it. There were exactly eight weeks until the planned wedding, and knew it sounded horrible, but if we could just say “I do” before there was any more improvement in Drew's case, I knew I would have nothing to be afraid of. I just feared the “I do” was going to come too little too late.