Alpha Billionaire Series

MADII

“All I'm saying is that you've changed.” Drew tossed the remote onto his parents’ coffee table after shutting the movi off. We had been trying to watch one of the latest superhero movies when a scene in the film depicted someone jumping from an airplane. I made the mistake of suggesting that we go skydiving as soon as Drew felt better. Unfortunately, ever since the therapy appointment where we got into a bickering match because I told him he could get back to his regular life soon, we had done nothing but argue. This argument was just a continuation of the same bickering match we'd had for weeks.

“I've changed?” I scowled at him. I didn't believe that I had changed at all, other than being a little more independent because I had been forced to live alone for almost two full years. Besides that, I was the same person I had always been. I loved adventure; I loved the outdoors. And I loved the thrill of the rush of adrenaline when I took a huge risk. Drew used to love these things too.

“Yes, you've changed. You've changed a lot.” Drew turned to face me, pulling his knee up on the couch as he faced me. “I remember a time when you couldn't ever even sleep alone”

“It's kind of hard to have those insecurities and fears when you don’t have anyone living with you. I got over it.” My head dropped. He was right about that, but that type of change was a good change, wasn't it? It meant I was growing as a human being. Didn't it? And why would he be upset with me for growing and becoming more independent? “If you ask me, it's you who has changed.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. I shouldn't have said that. Of course, he had changed. He had been through a near- death experience and survived it. Every person alive who has had something like that happen has changed in some way—some for the better, some not so much. I had tried hard to respect that.

Part of me was beginning to wonder if Alice had gone ahead and told Drew about Gavin and my other relationship. But I knew Drew. If he knew about Gavin, he would have grilled me about it by now. Still, the very thought of Gavin in that moment—or Alice for that matter—set my heart racing. I had to tell Drew.

For the last two weeks my home had been filled with fresh flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, and cards from Gavin every single day. He had to have spent $I000 or more on all those gifts. He hadn't called me once, and I hadn't reached out to him either. I didn't know what to say. The way we had left things open-ended like that, I thought it was over.

But now sitting here arguing with Drew, and the way we had done nothing but argue for weeks? I knew that I was happier with Gavin. Lexi’s advice to me had always been to be honest with everyone involved about what I was feeling. And Violet had hounded me week after week to just confess so that everyone could be open and honest about what was actually happening.

“Of course, I've changed. I almost died at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. I don't want to take risks like that anymore. Is that too much to ask?” Drew's voice suddenly shifted from the enraged jerk he had been to a softer tone He almost sounded hurt, as if I had insulted his ego or something.

I instantly felt gutted. Without thinking I reached my hand to his. My compassionate heart hated that he was hurting, for any reason. Even if I would be happier with Gavin, and I knew that I was going to leave Drew, I was still human. I still had a heart. And even now, with the gesture of love that Gavin was showing me, encouraging me that he was stil there, still wanting me, I knew in my heart I had to make sure Drew was okay.

“Hey, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to be hurtful” I scooted closer, turning to face him too. We'd had several tender moments like this since he woke up. I had a hard time trying to imagine what it was like to wake up and two years of your life were just gone, but I knew it couldn't have been easy for him.

“Madii, do you still love me?”

As he said the words, his eyes stayed locked on our twined fingers. My heart stopped beating for a full thirty seconds as I tried to formulate the words. With him going soft on me, I knew it wasn’t the best time to tell him about Gavin, but how could I tell him I did love him, but not in the same way? I licked my lips about to respond when he continued.

“Because... I feel really disconnected from you and I'd like to fix that.” His thumb traced over the tip of my fingernail, back and forth. “And I'd like to make love to you, the way we used to.”

“No... we can't..”” I protested as he scooted closer, resting his other hand on my inner thigh.

“It's okay. My parents aren't home, and they won't be home for hours yet. We have this entire place to ourselves. We won't be interrupted. Please, babe, I want to feel close to you. I haven't meant to push you away by my moodiness or argue with you. We will find a new life that suits both of us. You know? It will give you the adventure you crave, and the safety I need.”

Drew leaned in as if he were going to kiss me, his hand sliding up my thigh dangerously close. I pulled away then stood. I had to move, to get away. I began pacing, covering my mouth with my hand as tears formed in my eyes. I couldn't even look at him. When I stopped in front of the fireplace staring into the large mirror hung above the mantle, I saw him approaching. He was walking slowly, now with a cane for support. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the top of my shoulder.

“I'm sorry if I'm pushy, but I need you.” He kissed my shoulder again, and I ducked out of his embrace. I couldn't do i anymore. I had to tell him.

“I'm in love with someone else.”

The minute the words came out, the room changed. I took a few steps away from him, facing away, and dropped my head, waiting for his reaction. It was silent for a moment, as Drew let the words sink in.

“You're what?” he asked, but I could tell by the tone of his voice that he didn’t need me to repeat it. He was hurt; I knew he would be.

“It happened so fast, Drew.” I spun around to see the rage painted on his face. “You were gone. We all thought you were dying. He was just a friend, and he was helping me understand your condition better. I had been sitting by your side day after day for months, and I was tired.”

“And this guy just comes along and sweeps you off your feet, right away from my hospital bed? Was that a fucking lie? You didn't really sit there waiting for me? You just ran off with someone else the first chance you got?” I saw the muscles in his cheek protrude and knew he had clenched his jaw.

“It wasn't like that, Drew. I really did sit and wait for you. But it had been like I6 months or something. The doctors were giving me no hope.” Tears streamed down my face; my hands shook. This was destroying him, just like I knew it would. But what he was asking me, to have s*x with him, was never going to happen. My heart belonged to Gavin now.

“Get out.” He pointed at the front door.

“What? Drew, we need to talk about this.” Frantic, I walked closer to him and he turned his head away.Content rights by NôvelDr//ama.Org.

“Get out. Now.”

Distraught, I picked up my jacket, purse, and keys and left. My hands trembled as I started my car. Tears almost blinded me, and it wasn't safe to drive, but I did it anyway. My brain went on autopilot, and I drove straight to Lexi’s house. I didn't even know if she would be home, but I was a wreck and I needed a friend. The minute she opened the door she knew.

“Oh, fuck. I'll get the ice cream.” Lexi let me in and hugged me for a moment. When I was a bit calmer, we settled on her couch with a half-gallon of Rocky Road and two spoons. Lexi had been my best friend for long enough that she knew how to handle my meltdowns, and that was comforting in this moment.

I was sobbing so hard tears mingled with my ice cream as I ate, giving it a salty-sweet flavor. I tried telling Lexi what happened, but every time I went to speak, I cried harder. This was the last thing I had wanted, to hurt Drew this badly. Alice had assured me he would be fine, but Alice hadnt been there to smooth things over when I told him. An even though Gavin had been sending me flowers and candies, I knew I couldn't take this particular pain to him. He didn’t deserve that.

“Okay, so now that you've eaten almost a half of a gallon of ice cream, can you tell me what happened?” Lexi pried the spoon out of my hand and replaced it with a tissue.

“I told him about Gavin, and he freaked. He kicked me out. He's hurting so badly, and this is all my fault” I blew my nose loudly, folding the tissue over and blowing it again for good measure.

“Babe, this isn't your fault. Okay? Life happens. You had no idea Drew was going to wake up. If he had woken up two hours later, you'd be happily married right now and then what? You'd divorce Gavin just to make Drew happier? Hell no. I guarantee that Alice and Henry would have just told him, and he'd be over it” Lexi took my soiled tissue and gave me a few clean ones, so I wiped my face.

“Why do I feel awful then?”

“You feel awful because you care. And probably because you never truly mourned him.” Lexi ate a bit of the melting ice cream and sighed. “That's a big deal, you know."

“Mourn who? He's not dead.” My eyes hurt from drying them. My nose felt chapped and sore. I didn’t want to mourn anyone. I wanted to be happy.

“Someone doesn’t have to die for you to mourn. Grieving things that are taken from you, relationships, or jobs, or even pets, it comes in a lot of forms. You just never let yourself do that because you refused to believe he was gone. And don't’ get me wrong, that's an amazing thing, because you were the only one who truly believed that, and he is here now. But you have to let go. You will destroy Gavin if you don't”

Lexi's words rang true in my heart. The way Gavin and I had made love was amazing, but immediately after that, the hurt I'd seen in his eyes the last time I looked into them was devastating. I was destroying him because I hadn't moved on. More tears came, burning my eyes and streaking down my face. I collapsed onto Lexi’s lap, and she set th ice cream aside to hold me.

For whatever reason, my heart was so fucked up I couldn't let go. I didn’t know how. It was like fate itself was tearing out the bits of Drew that didn’t belong in my heart. One by one the memories came to mind and washed out with my tears. I cried for a long time—I couldn't tell you how long; I never looked at my phone. And when I was done, my eyes were so heavy, I was falling asleep.

Lexi put a pillow under my head and covered me with a throw like a little child after a severe tantrum. I drifted off to sleep on her couch. I dreamt of Gavin taking me to a park and proposing. Then I dreamt of Drew.

We were beneath the water, diving off the coast just like the day of his accident. We watched the schools of colorful fish swim by, and the boats overhead. We were with a group of people, but suddenly the people were gone. It was just Drew and me. In the dream I felt afraid, like there were sharks or other sea creatures there ready to attack us, but Drew seemed happy enough.

He turned his back to me, and I panicked, swimming toward him. I had to save him. I had to get to him before it was too late. My heart raced, and the harder I kicked the more frantic I became because it seemed like I couldn't move. But when I got to him and took him by the shoulders to turn him around, his eyes were open, and he was smiling. I looked into his eyes and felt calmer. Drew was communicating something with me, but I couldnt tell what. All I knew was that I was not afraid anymore. Then I thought of Gavin and thought how wonderful it would be to surface because I knew he'd be in the boat and I wanted to tell him about all the amazing fish I'd seen. And when I looked back at Drew, he was smiling. He nodded at me, and then I woke up.

I sat up, heart racing, and found a note telling me to be at our favorite club at 7 p.m. A quick glance at my phone told me I was already 20 minutes late.