A Werewolf, A Vampire, and A Fae Walk Into A Bar (Book 1 of The Last Witch Series)

"What the--" I lean away from Darius, so far that he has to reach out and catch me before both Rain and I fall ass over tea kettle. I have so many questions, I don't even know where to begin. "What does Nanny have to do with this Order of the Star? And what do you mean that's when you met her?"

He looks deep into my eyes. There's a pain in his gaze, and I can't tell if it stems from a past hurt of his own, or if he fears hurting me with his words. Either way, he's showing a vulnerability I never expected to see.

Just as he opens his mouth to speak, I hear footsteps pounding up the stairs. They're coming up two at a time, so I know it's AJ.

"Hey, what are you dorks doing up here?" She seems a little out of breath, and I can tell it's not just from her trip up to the apartment.

"The bar is, like, packed. Jennifer called a hoard of horny moms when you said there was an exotic dancer."

I peek back at Darius who's already staring my way. I no longer notice that sweet vulnerability from two seconds earlier.

AJ is oblivious to the non-verbal conversation happening as she talks. "They brought cash and they're like, I dunno, tigers at feeding time. If someone doesn't start dancing soon, I think they're gonna burn the place down."

Stubborn as he is, I've got no idea if Darius will actually help us out. As much as I want to see him dancing while the ladies of Rowley stuff dollar bills into his thong, it's a little hard to imagine. On top of all that, we still have to deal with the bombshell he just dropped on me. To my surprise, Darius simply nods at AJ. "Mustn't disappoint the ladies," he says. He winks at me and then follows her quickly down the stairs.Text © by N0ve/lDrama.Org.

Not one to let someone else have the last word, I mentally shout at him. This conversation isn't over, vamp boy.

He doesn't reply, but I do hear him laughing in my mind.

He's such a damn pain in the ass.

I strap Rain into her carrier and follow them down. The moment I open the door to the bar I stop short, staring in wonder at a sight I've never seen in my life.

Like AJ said, the place is packed. Mostly with women, which is definitely a first for Morgan's. The few men I see are regulars, all looking fairly uncomfortable. I'll have to remember to comp their drinks tonight as an apology. Or maybe AJ can nymph them all into high spirits. That might be a better plan. I also spot Michael and his husband in the corner drinking a few of Rune's magical elixirs. When Michael sees me, he grins and raises a glass.

I smile and nod, then follow his gaze to a makeshift stage one of the guys must have rigged while I was upstairs. Rune, no longer behind the bar, is playing a harp--where the hell did we get a harp?--in a way I've never heard one played before. It's majestic, both the song he's playing and the way that he plays. I could watch him all night, but it appears the crowd is getting antsy for something else.

"Where's the strippah?!" A female voice yells from the middle of the room, inspiring a cheer of assent from the ladies around her. I scan the room for Darius but don't see him. Did he bail? Is dancing the one thing in life that scares him, and he's fled back to his realm? I get my answer almost immediately, as a shadowy figure drops from the ceiling and lands in a crouch on the stage. I don't know if he climbed to the ceiling earlier or just tricked the crowd with some vampire shit, but either way they all lose their freaking minds. Darius is still fully dressed and he doesn't move anything except his eyes as he surveys the audience before him. The crowd falls into a hush, waiting for what will come next. I see Darius give a quick look at Zev, then he turns to Rune who begins to play something different.

This new harp song is nothing like the first. It's fast and intense, and it has me imagining a bunch of serious-faced fae at a rave.

As the music ramps up, the Dance of Darius begins. It's rhythmic and fast, almost violent, but controlled and intoxicating. It's like he's breakdancing and gyrating and booty shaking all at the same time, and he hasn't even taken his clothes off. That's going to have to change if he wants to keep all the ladies interested.

As if on cue, Zev lunges at Darius, his teeth sinking into the vampire's black silk shirt, pulling it off dramatically. The crowd screams with fear and excitement. A wolf just attacked the dancer, but now the dancer is shirtless with his six... no wait, eight-pack on full display. Good grief vamp boy is ripped.

If there was any question as to

whether or not Darius would enjoy dancing for a crowd, that doubt has disappeared. I dare say he's in his element. As he moves into a handstand and does an aerial split, I wonder if he worked as a dancer to pay his way through vampire college. Then, when Zev approaches again to bite off Darius' pants, I wonder if the two of them had a

traveling stripshow act.

I move behind the bar to try and get a better view, since the place is packed with patrons. Before I can find the perfect vantage point, AJ taps me on the shoulder.

When I turn to her, I'm met with an

enormous smile. Her eyes are wide as saucers as she opens the register to show me piles of cash within. "Rune's drinks are a hit. And the

guys are tipping me like money are

going out of style. Plus, two kegs are tapped and we're running out of all the well liquors. As long as these guys are around, you might have to start running this place like it's a

successful bar."

The thought is equal parts exciting and sobering. What happens to the bar, to us--to me--when the Sexies leave? Surely this can't be the status quo forever.

My sad musings are put on hold when Zev growls and pounces from across the floor, pinning Darius to the wall, who's now only wearing a pair of red silk boxers that do little to hide his significant... size.

AJ snorts as my gaze locks on the sexy vampire. His muscles glisten like he's been rubbed in oil, and as he continues his dance-fight with the wolf, I'm mesmerized by his fluid grace and his flexing muscles.

"Looks like someone's falling for vamp boy," AJ whispers with a mischievous smile.

I tear my eyes off of the stage to glare at her. "I can admire the view without wanting to pay the price to live there," I say.

"Suuuure," she says as she saunters off to fill a drink order.

To avoid falling into a lust-filled daydream about Darius, I focus instead on Rune, whose long, graceful fingers strum the strings of the harp with such mastery, I can't help but feel a kindred connection to him. To his music. To his craft and skill.

As if he knows I'm thinking of him, he glances over to me, his silver eyes gleaming in the dim light of the bar, and he winks. My cheeks heat with the attention and I turn away, flustered by all of them.

"Bernie, where did you find these guys?" Jennifer asks, her eyes glazed from too much drink. Or too much man meat. It's hard to tell.

"It's a long story," I say, shrugging. I'm super tired of the doctor lie, and I don't think this particular crowd will buy that one anyways. It makes me a little nervous; we may be digging ourselves into too many lies and sooner or later the walls will cave in. But that's a problem for future Bernie. Today's Bernie has enough to deal with.

When Darius and Zev finish up their weird--and perhaps rehearsed?--routine, the crowd screams and shouts, begging for more, but it seems the boys are done.

Darius locks his dark gaze with mine and smirks. Was that sufficient?

I swallow, still a little weak-kneed as he stands there mostly naked. It'll do.

He raises an eyebrow, then disappears with his clothes to the bathroom, where he emerges a few moments later completely dressed, to the utter disappointment of everyone.

For the rest of the night, Rune's drinks flow, Darius and AJ charm everyone with their powers, and Zev sticks close to me and Rain, nearly tripping me several times.

When Rain demands to be fed again, I sneak upstairs to take a break and rest. AJ, Rune and Darius are handling things well enough, and I'm exhausted. When I think of how little time has passed since I gave birth, I'm amazed. I should still be in the hospital. Or at the very least resting a lot while kind neighbors bring me casseroles.

I read What to Expect When You're Expecting at least three times. There for sure wasn't a single chapter on what to expect when a werewolf, a vampire and a fae walk into your bar and try to steal your baby, then. proceed to protect you, then you find out your best friend is a nymph and your ex-boyfriend is a gay unicorn, and your grandmother is a witch who might have been part of a secret society. Someone should publish a new edition that takes all these issues into account, if you ask me.

Once in my apartment, I sink into the couch, my feet aching, my back about to break, and my head pounding.