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Ulla Strongblood was stood at the uppermost circle, and soon began to descend along the stone steps one at a time toward where he was sat. He’d lifted his head from his hands to watch her, and felt the anger within start to subside at her approach. It was quickly replaced by something nastier still, a hollow sensation that seemed to expand through his ribcage.
“I don’t think your opinion on it matters much, given that you should have been down there with us.” The words emerged in a dangerously low growl. “You walked away, Ulla.”
“From what I saw today, so did you.” She wasn’t particularly accusatory in her tone, rather simply stating fact as she continued her approach down across the large stone steps.
He turned his head away from her and said nothing, instead choosing to stare down into the smooth sand of the proving pits. She was annoyingly correct about that, and he knew better than to launch an attack with the high ground crumbling beneath his feet.
“Why did you do it?” she asked; coming to sit down on the stone step beside him and lifting her legs up to fold her arms over her knees.
“Why did I walk away? Why do you think? We lost. I was angry.”
She let out an amused huff at that idea and tipped a crooked smile toward him.
“Ulf, you’re never angry at them. In all the time we’ve been together I’ve never seen you so much as frown at the pack.”
“I frown at Nullik all the time. I sometimes want to throw him through a stone wall.”
“Yes, but that’s not because he struggles in the provings. It’s because he’s a moron. You were always there to pick him up out of the sand after every bout. You always encouraged him that he’d do better the next time. And even when he’s being a moron, we all know you’ve got that frown well-practiced because you’re trying not to laugh with him.”
There was a long pause. “You all know about that?”
She laughed and reached out to touch his arm fondly. “You’re not nearly as good at hiding your feelings as you think you are.”
Ulf flinched at her touch and shifted away from her. She furrowed her brow at the movement but didn’t call him out on it.
“So, why did you get angry at them today?” she finally continued her line of questioning.
“I wasn’t angry at them. I was angry at him.”
“The human?”
Ulf nodded shortly.
“Why was that?”
To her surprise, he actually turned to look directly at her. It was very true that Ulf had never been good at hiding his feelings, and she saw the sadness that now filled his eyes. In all the time she’d known him, she’d never seen him like that. He was always so controlled, and focused on trying to win fights that had always been unwinnable. Once or twice she’d seen him lose his temper with himself, or laugh with the rest of them in lighter moments between ass-kickings. Sadness had just never been in his nature. Even after all those defeats and humiliations, he’d never let the weight of it settle upon him and drive him to despair.
“If I’m not so good at hiding my feelings as you think I am, then I think you know why I was angry with him, Ulla.”
“I do?” She played the question innocently enough, but he continued to look upon her with those sad eyes and her playfulness evaporated. “Yes, I think I do. I did not know you thought of me in such a way, Ulf.”
At that he laughed a loud and derisive: “Ha!” Then he shook his head before continuing. “Ulla, even I knew I was barely hiding how I feel about you. Why did you choose him?”
“I… I wanted to hurt Algra. I admire the human, and I saw him one night with her and the red-haired one. I looked at Algra. I saw she was so damned happy and I couldn’t stand it anymore. So, I offered myself to him to spite her. I thought I could hurt her.”
“You gave yourself out of spite!?”NôvelDrama.Org: text © owner.
“I tried to-”
“You should value yourself more.”
Those words hit her harder than if he’d slapped her across the face. He didn’t even seem angry anymore, but rather at a loss as to why she’d do such a thing. More than that, it made her think of the matter in a new light, and she didn’t much like what that light illuminated within her.
“Every time I see her I think of my brother and remember her cowardice. She should have been at his side when he went into battle. She should have been there with him and the rest of her pack but instead she was here, in the safety of her uncle’s camp.” Ulla punctuated her feelings on the matter by spitting down into the pit. “I hate her, Ulf. I would have blotted out the sun from the sky if it meant I could cause her pain. I would’ve challenged The First itself for the chance to make her feel the shame that is rightly hers.”
“You would have? Meaning that isn’t what you plan on doing now?”
“Well, no. I don’t know how to blot out the sun and The First isn’t answering my summons to take up the challenge.” Her expressions softened slightly and she glanced over to him knowingly from the corner of her eye. “Instead, I’ve decided to try and put it aside for now and do as you tell me.”
“You doing as you’re told? If you can carry out that miracle then I wouldn’t write off your plans for eternal darkness or defeating The First.”